Promises.

[All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomes them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.] Hebrews 11:13 &14

This passage comes in Hebrews after Moses, Enoch, and Abraham are talked about, thus "these people" is referring to them.

There is something so profound about holding onto a promise.
This passage so stuck out to me.
Each one of these incredible heroes of the faith saw promises, even though they were far off and yet welcomed them.
There is something so beautiful about that.

"People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own."

Each of these individuals "saw" great promises from a distance and welcomed them.
They welcomed promises that they did not even get to live to see..
why? because, they knew it was so much bigger then them.
And, so it was worth fighting for the fulfillment of the promises even if they didn't get to see the fulfillment with their own eyes.

I don't know about you, but that is some crazy character to me.
I want to live my life in such a way....
that, I see the promises of the future,
and I fight for them to come to pass,
even though I may not see the fulfillment.

Because, friends, IT IS bigger than me.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Home.

Home.
It's this complex place in my heart.

It's funny how when you leave home, and come back you realize the beauty of it you never saw before.
The little things about your hometown you took for granted.

For instance, I never realized how much I loved downtown Frederick, until I left home and then came back to it. And, now, it may be one of my favorite places in this world.

Then, comes the "family" aspect of home.
The beautiful intricacy of family.

It's this raw, real place.
At least for me.
I don't wear any mask...not saying I do everywhere else,
I certainly try to be "raw" and real everywhere.
But, I think there is this certain "me" that can only come out at home.
Maybe it's because you're around people who know your story, and know you better then most?
I am not sure.
All, I know is I have come to find out that the aspect of "family" that makes home, home, is truly wonderful in a hard way.

I find it's when I am "home" that I realize more than ever how much I have grown, as well as how much I need to grow.
There is something so special about being home, that allows these two opposites to come out in flying colors.
It's this wonderful tension.

Well, that may have made no sense at all.
But, it's what was on my heart :) haha.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Narnia.

I love the Narnia films, in fact, I think C.S. Lewis was one of the most brilliant men ever to walk this planet simply because he wrote some epic stuff.

I just saw the newest one out on the big screen; Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and of course my life was changed haha :)

I think C.S. Lewis did an amazing job of Aslan representing the whole trinity, which is such truth...the trinity is the 3 in 1. I love how throughout the movies Aslan represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.....so brilliant :)

Aslan has always been my ultimate favorite depiction of who God is out of every other thing my imagination can muster to represent my beautiful Jesus...Aslan is the one that always wins, if Lewis only knew! ;)

Here are some quotes from the movie that really stuck out to me:

"To defeat the darkness out there you must first defeat the darkness inside yourself."

"You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are." (Aslan to Lucy)

"Extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people." (the mouse)

"A noble warrior does not run from fear....c'mon let's meet our destiny."

"Do not let them know your fears or it will become them."

"I can't imagine my Father being very proud of me giving up on what He died for." (Prince Caspian)

"My country was made for noble hearts." (Aslan)

Welp, there ya go! I hope they meant something to you :)

Peace. Love. Joy.

So thankful.

In this holiday season of thankfulness, family, gifts, and yummy food I just want to stop and really be thankful for my life.

God seriously is amazing.
I am so thankful for His never ending love for me.
The fact He never ever gives up on me.
It's amazing.
He is always after my heart, no matter what.

I am so thankful that I am more free than I have ever been...
that, I know who I am more than I ever have,
and that I have experienced His love more than ever.

I am thankful for His constant wooing of my heart.
How His affection towards me is constant.

I am thankful for the dreams He has placed in my heart.
I am thankful that He even allows me to dream with Him...
what a privilege.

I am so thankful for the friends He has placed in my life....
each one so unique, bringing something new out of me.
I love it.

I am so thankful for my family....ahhh!
Words cannot describe how thankful I am for them.
For my parents, whom laid such a brilliant foundation for my life.
To my Dad for teaching me grace and how to love and more than that take care of the down and out.
To my Mom for teaching me love and how to fight.
I am thankful for each of my siblings...
Caitlin, for her wisdom and honesty.
Siobhan, for her joy and child likeness.
Killian, for his heart of justice and sense of black and white.

I am so thankful for the inheritance I have stored up for me.
I am so thankful I have had Nicaragua ingrained in my heart since the age of 8...
and now, it's my second home.

Oh, how thankful I am.
And, that is just the start...
there is so much.

He is just so brilliant to me!!

I encourage you, write out what you are thankful for.
Thankfulness is so powerful, so powerful it literally sanctifies! :)
You will find so much joy oozing out of your heart when you just simply ponder all the things in your life that are amazing, and His goodness towards you!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Creativity VS. Sophistication

Creativity VS. Sophistication.

These two have worlds of their own it seems...
and, I have to admit it daily frusturates me.

I know...I am crazy...
but, I love fashion, and I think it is an art of expressing oneself.
And, it is daily something that goes through this chaotic mind of mine.

Don't get me wrong, fashion in general is "creative" because you are "creating" something.

When I refer to the world of "creativity", I don't mean simply creating, I mean the creative world that is unique, has no boundaries, and risks...constantly.
It's this world where anything is possible....
new ideas, colors, patterns etc are the heartbeat.
There is indeed apart of my heart that very much likes this world...
for it is fun and adventurous and so full of life!
When I think of this world I think of the essence of really being "free" to express who you are.

Now, when I think of the world of "sophistication" I also get happy.
It's this world of glamour, and class.
It rings, "wealthy and prominent."
I love this world.
It makes me feel powerful and unstoppable.
As, if I could change the world!
It is this world of importance,
where people look to you, you could say...
if we were painting a picture.
Which I suppose I am. :)

For so long, these worlds have been completely separate,
if not complete opposites.
And, boy does it bother me.
I constantly think of unique ways to mix the two worlds,
because they are both amazing to me.

I wouldn't say I have figured it out yet.
At all.
It frusturates me, continuously.
Pathetic? Yes.
True? Even more so.

I am on the journey of learning to see the two worlds collide...
because, I think of they did it would create one, amazing, powerful, adventurous world for fashion where ideas could flow endlessly.

To seeing the two worlds collide....

Peace. Love. Joy.

Joseph.

The story of Joseph in the Bible is amazing.

I mean, think about it...
here is this guy, who mainly due to his own oblivion was sold into slavery by his very own brothers.
Can you imagine? I mean really, truly think about that scenario. Selling your very own family member? Insane.

Then he ends up being promoted to this place with Pharaoh, because he was able to interpret his dreams. He must have been so in tune with the Holy Spirit to speak revelation of those dreams.

So, then from that place he now is given strategy from Heaven on how to handle the famine that is going to happen. And, eventually, not only is he running Egypt, because Pharaoh has given him full reign....but the world ends up coming to him:

"When the famine had spread over the whole country, Joseph opened the storehouses and sold grain to the Egyptians, for the famine was severe throughout Egypt. And all the countries came to Egypt to buy grain from Joseph, because the famine was severe in all the world." (Genesis 41:56-57)

This man, once simply a slave betrayed by his own family, is now promoted to this place of influence where he is able to bring the strategy of Heaven down to earth in such a manner that the world eventually comes to him for wisdom.

I think Joseph spent a lot of time with Abba. I think he truly knew His heart. And, I think because he chose to focus on the one thing that God promoted him to this world stage...because, He knew He could trust Joseph with the platform and with the wisdom.

Because, all Joseph ever wanted was to know Abba.

I want to be after His heart.
I want that to be all I am consumed with.
Because, I believe that from that place all else and MORE will come.

[I want Abba to trust me with His heart. To tell me His secrets.]

Peace. Love. Joy.

Rise and Rise Again.....

"We can't repay our good luck with bad grace. It invites darkness." (Robin Hood)

That is one of my favorite lines from that movie, and I am not sure why yet....I will figure it out though.

..............................................................................

I love creativity.
I love sophistication.
I want to merge the two worlds together.

.............................................................................

"One of the primary ways that we reveal the risen Christ is when our lives display a conspicuous lack of fear and the strong presence of bold love." (Kris V)

..............................................................................

"You have to put a demand on what you believe. It's not good enough just to believe it." (BJ)

..........................................................................

"Only in humility can we begin to find the beauty in everything. Do you have the
barefaced wonder to drift outside the lines? If you dare, you could rise up to be
the shameless architect of the unknown, charting new ground that the critics will
never know. For the rest of the crowd, there's safety in numbers. But for you- you
and your brave soul, there are no guilty pleasures. Just pleasures." -Jon Foreman-

..........................................................................

"Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!" -- Walt Whitman


Peace. Love. Joy.

Music.

Music.
Have you ever stopped and wondered at its glorious complexity?
How do all these different instruments create these sounds?
And, how is it that there are so many sounds to be created?
It's as if the combinations never end.

It has the ability to move your spirit..your soul...and even your body.
It's the thing we run to in joy.
It's the thing we run to in sadness.
And, even when we are angry.

It's this haven of understanding...
as if all the instruments creating this one, unifying sound,
can identify with where we are at and what we are feeling.

It brings peace.
It brings relief.
It brings comfort.
It's emotion at it's best.

I don't know about you...
but boy am I happy God decided to bring music into our worlds.
And, more so that He let's us join with Him in creating sounds that have yet to be heard.
Sounds that will move hearts.
Sounds that will break through walls on the inside of us.
Sounds that will transform our very lives.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Stretching.

To be stretched into what you were created to be...
it's scary and explosive at the same time.

It's the moment before being stretched where you freak out....
you have this choice; fight through even with fear still prevalent,
or give into the fear altogether.

I have found that most the time when you just fight through, even with the uncomfortable feeling of fear pulsating through every vein in your body,
you come out with victory and more importantly apart of your soul comes alive.
Because, you just did something even though everything in you wanted to run the other direction.
What could more freeing than that?

God is so good.
All the time.
I don't just say that as I cliche "church" thing we have heard our whole lives while sitting in the pews.
I say it because I have experienced His goodness.
And, my friends, once it's experienced there is no turning back.

I came to this conlusion though,
I KNOW He is good...
so why do I even fear?
If He is good all the time, then I know that no matter the siutations that arise in life, everything will work out for my good.
Because, His love and affection is for me.
What more could I ask for?

It's quite a brilliant thing to ponder.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Mistaken.

I realized something the other day.
What I am experiencing here, is the very opposite of what I thought.

I thought that I was coming to a place, where I had to be "perfect" in a sense...
because then, and only then could I be this "super charged miracle worker."

I came though, and realized, it's the very opposite.
My heart is being healed and is coming alive with Jesus.
He is drawing me into an intimacy I have never known.

It's all about the process my friends.
The process is what it's about.
I am in a process.
Jesus is doing so much in my heart.

I don't have to perform.
I don't have to be this "super charged miracle worker."
I just need to be intimate with Him.
I need to constantly be aware of His presence.
To gaze upon Him at any given moment--because it's in that place of intimacy with Him, that all else flows.

As long as I simply turn my affection towards Him, I don't have to worry or strive for the rest. It simply comes.

So, if you ask what I am "working" at?
I am working at not working at all.
I am working at intimacy...and just "being."

If I could give you one tip for life...I would say, embrace the process, and love it.
It's what life is all about.

Peace. Love. Joy.

"When we begin to serve God for the praise of man or to find identity in what we do, no matter how great the call of God is on our lives, no matter how powerful the gifts or the anointing flow in our ministry, that underlying attitude of self-love can begin to produce a hidden resentment and anger, fueled by a fear of rejection and a fear of failure. As soon as our service is no longer motivated by God's love, but by a need to be needed or seen, we begin to drift away from Father's heart of compassion, and we will soon find ourselves in the older brother's shoes, slaving in the fields and thinking all along that we dwell in His house of love." (Jack Frost--Experiencing Father's Embrace)

I suggest reading that book by the way--your life will be changed. Hands Down.

Be a Pioneer.

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better." (Mother Teresa)

"He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."
(Titus 3:4b-7)

Peace. Love. Joy.

"You've got that kind of face that defies gravity...."

Sorry it's been awhile, been super busy with homework and just life in general.

We finished Beni Johnson's book, The Happy Intercessor, and this is one of my favorite quotes from it:

"When I spend time in the secret place, alone with God, I become so wrapped up in His presence that every other desire loses its importance to me. When I allow His presence to consume me I surrender myself so completely to His will that my desires begin to line up with His. I become fully engulfed in His presence, lost in a sea of His beauty, and captivated by His love. In that place is the fullness of joy, the fullness of peace, the fullness of love, and the fullness of aceptance. In that place, I become one with Him."

I am learning more than ever the importance and necessity of intimacy with Him. I find myself yearning more and more to know His heart and exactly what He is speaking. To not strive for relationship with Him, but instead she "be."

I find myself more and more being lured to this place of rest with Him. In that place is certainly the fullness of all Beni speaks of; joy, peace, love, and acceptance. I get so lost in that place with Him, it's hard sometimes to walk out of it...I can't say I don't like that feeling though.

It's a beautiful thing...
not striving.
But, just simply "being".

In the words of the great J Upton":
"If I could see Your face, I think You'd smile at me. You've got that kind of face that defies gravity. You're too much, you're too much for me."

The more I spend time with Him and taste of His goodness, the more I realize He is just too much. :)

Enjoy His presence people. He loves when you spend time with Him. He desires to share the secrets of His heart with you. How insanely amazing is that?!

It blows my mind.

Peace. Love. Joy.

I was made for sunny days.

Jesus loves me.
Ohhh, yeah He does.

Sooo, update on life here at Bethel:

We get to choose an advanced ministry class and I picked Freedom through studying the book of Galatians. I am really stoked to start it and learn and walk in freedom so I can bring freedom to others! :) The book of Galatians is bangin' by the way...everyone should read it. It's deep. Here is an exerpt:

"Because, you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, Abba Father. So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has also made you an heir." (Galatians 4:6)

We also get to choose Activation, which is like outreach, my top pick was working with women going through drug rehab (because that is basically MY HEART lol) AND I GOT IN! :) I am really excited to come alive in helping other's come alive with dreams and passion through His wonderful love.

We have to pick prayer slots, and me and my roommate chose 2-3 am one day a week! Pretty stoked about that...just getting into His presence. Going on adventures with Him :)

Welp, I think that is all for now.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Lalala Fashion :) (as always!)

Oh, Fashion how I love theee.
Yes, yes I do.

So, update on things I am really digging this season...

1) OXFORDS!



2) Oversize Sweaters!



Of course everything I put in my previous post...lace, military trend, jeggings, boyfriend blazer :) It's all grand! I love the fall, such a brilliant time for fashion!

I will blog about my favorites from Fashion Week later on!

Also, this Michael Kors purse...to die for:


Peace. Love. Joy.

Your love is a symphony all around me.

Hmm...where to begin? So much has been happening. Good stuff at that.

So many good teachings in the past week....let me see if I can summarize it ha!

Bill Johnson really hammered in us the fact that we should live a life full of joy and never have another day of discouragement. It's kind of a new thought to me, living out of a place of joy so that no matter what happens in life I choose to press into the Holy Spirit instead of get wrapped up in the "natural". What a revelation.

He also talked about not allowing emotions and intellect to control us...becuase, "Christian's do things because they're right not because we feel like doing it." Kinda, a brilliant statement Our relationship with our Abba isn't from rules and what we should do, but it's an overflow of our love for Him that we follow Him and choose to become like Him.

Another man, Pastor Mark talked to us about seeing our Father as just that our Father. He said one thing that really stuck out to me, "It's NOT normal not to be able to feel His rpesence because He is tangible."

Kris Vallotton talked a lot about becoming a prince and not living from a mentality of a pauper. It was soooo good. He was saying that whatever we imagine and see ourselves as, we become. It was all about identity and living our lives from a place of knowing our Daddy is King and we are royalty and should live life from a place of royalty. It's really something that is so profound, that I believe if Christians walked from that place it would totally revolutionize our lives and the impact we can have.

Beni Johnson, Bill Johnson's wife, talked to us as well. She talked about intercession and praying from a place of knowing what Jesus was praying and then praying that. It was so grand!

There is so much more but it's just too much to write in one setting ha!
Here are some awesome quotes though:

"The Holy Spirit wants to show us how to feel and what to feel." (BJ)

"Your greatest successes were won before the circumstances happened." (BJ)

"How you prepare yourself will determine if you will have a solution when a problem arises." (BJ)

"If you want joy, rejoice. You are only phony if you live off of your emotions." (BJ)

"He doesn't want to bless me betond my capacity to handle- He wants to bless me beyond my imagination." (BJ)

"You are not the product of your environment, you are the product of how you respond to your environment." (Kris V)

"Unforgiveness teathers you to the past." (Kris V)

"Religion is trying to get through performance what you already have through creation." (Kris V)

"We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves." (Kris V)

"You were born to terrorize the works of the terrorist." (Kris V)

"You can sin, it's just not your nature to sin." (Kris V)

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The other day in worship as I was just allowing Abba to love on me I had this vision, I was in a palace and I was a little girl and all of a sudden Jesus walked over to me, held my hand and we began to walk. As we were walking pain in my life began to just dissappear. I felt the Holy Spirit say, "Brianna, go back to when you were a little girl and start over without the hurt." It was so lovely.

The very next day during a service, one of the leaders got up and began saying that in the Spirit he saw that Jesus was going to take many of us back to when we were little and let us start over without the hurts and pain of life that had built up in our hearts. It totally blew me away!

How faithful is He?! Ahhh! That vision totally rocked my world. He is soooo dang goood.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Heidi Baker was here Sunday night and unfortunately it wasn't my assigned service so I couldn't go. But, she is certainly one of my heroes, all she has done in Africa and accross the world seriously amazes me! I got to watch the service though on ibethel...here it is for anyone who wants to enjoy it as well:

Becoming Sons and Daughters : September 19, 2010


Yesterday our worship was led by this awesome New Zealand band called the Ember Days. They were seiously amazing! Check them out:
http://www.myspace.com/theemberdays

There is so much that God is doing in me right now...I will update Friday on the details! :)

Peace. Love. Joy.

The Welsh Revival.

I just got done reading, "The World Aflame" by Rick Joyner for class; it is a book all about the Welsh Revival. It was so amazing to hear all the amazing stories from that revival. It really spurred me to cry out for even more of God than I ever have before. If you want to be super inspired as well as learn about the history of the revival I would totally suggest reading the book.

There are so many amazing things that happened during the Welsh Revival but two stories that really hit me hard are as follows. First, there is a story about Evan Robert's (the leader of the revival)Mother and how she left a service before it was over to go and get some sleep, when Evan eventually got home he found his mother in so much physical agony because she felt so convicted she couldn't simply wait on God long enough. Man, to have such a desire for His presence that you neglect necessities, that is what I call desperation!

Another story is about the Welsh Rugby team, which was pretty much the big thing that everyone followed (compare to the NFL in America), eventually they stopped competing because all the players got radically saved and all they wanted to do was spend time in His presence that they completely forgot about the sport all together. Can you imagine the players on our NFL teams getting so radically saved and moved by the spirit that they just forget to compete because they are spending their time in His presence ha...how crazy would that be!

Here are some quotes from the book:

"A revival is something like a revolution, it is apt to be wonderfully catching." (RJ)

"Bend the church and save the world." (Evan Roberts)

"Our intercession must be for intimacy with Him, and then with Him for His purposes." (RJ)

"Prayer is not used to change the mind of the Lord as much as it is used to bring us into one mind with Him." (RJ)

"Those who are controlled by fear will be the most threatened by anyone whom they cannot control through intimidation." (RJ)

"When we know that we are known by God, we will not be overly concerned about what anyone else thinks of us." (RJ)

"Those who allow themselves to be emptied, who lay aside all personal ambition to become of no reputation, who patiently suffer rejection and misunderstanding, will soon stir the entire world with the King's message." (RJ)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Being a completely outrageous giver.

The other day while Bill Johnson was talking to us in class he shared this story about this guy who was at Starbucks and he just decided to bless the person behind him and pay for his order. That person, being so moved by the guy's giving gesture went and paid for the person behind him and this went on for 6 hours straight like a domino effect. How amazing?!

Well, me and my roommates after service tonight went to Taco Bell to get some dinner and decided to implement this awesome giving! So, we paid for the guy behind us in the drive-thru. After I had told the cashier I wanted to pay for the guy behind us he made the transaction and then looked at me and said,
"do you all know the guy?"
I said, "no, we just wanted to bless him!"
His face lite up and he said, "wow, that is nice of you guys. I wish someone would do that for me!"

It's crazy how just going out of your way to just be an outrageous blessing to someone else can totally just impact people with the love of God!

I encourage you...go out of your way!
Tip beyond what is expected!
Randomly pay for other people's orders!
Encourage strangers with a random word!

It so blesses the heart of God!!
I am looking forward to hearing stories of how Jesus moves by your gesture of outrageous giving!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Heart is bursting through my chest.

It's only the third day of BSSM and I feel like my heart has already encountered so much! I already feel God molding me and creating me into that very person He desires me to be. It's so exciting!

The presence of God here in Redding and at Bethel is something I have never encountered. The worship has been some of the most intimate times I have ever had with the Father. It's been in worship that I feel God just moving so much around in my heart...taking out the things that are not of Him and replacing it with His pure, outrageous love! It's crazy how simply going, "Abba, You are my hearts desire. You are the object of my affection. I love you!", can change so much!

I am reminded of something Jonathan David Helser said this Summer while I was at the worship camp he and his wife put on, he said, "Worship is taking back your rightful place!" It's like me just going deeper in worship has literally broke things off of my life and brought life to areas of my heart where death has set up camp. I felt fear, anxiety being broken off. I felt hurt that has been in the crevices of my heart for years just being drowned out by the literal love and presence of Jesus!

And, it's only the 3rd day. I cannot wait for these next 9 months of just the impartation of His crazy love and of me coming to a place of literally "taking my rightful place" through my praises!

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On top of that Bill Johnson's word today was so good. He spoke a lot about changing culture and the difference between "overt" and "covert" ministering. He really pressed the fact that our testimony actually giving to others the gift of the very nature of God. How incredible! He also went into the mindset of Herod and the Pharisees and the Political and Religious spirits. Here are some awesome things he said that I hope totally rock your world:

"God takes what is practical and mundane and turns it into a weapon of war."

"We are known (Body of Christ) for what we don't like instead of who He is."

"The darker the oppression in my life, the more expression I am going to put into my worship."

"Every time you share a testimony, you bring the mercy seat into somebody's life"

"Grace creates the atmosphere where faith is known."

"A hard heart makes a dull mind."

"It's as important to keep the testimony as it is to keep the commandments."

"Testimony is supposed to be the lense that we see reality through."

Also, random fact I never knew...Shalom means like a massive amount of things, including: a sound mind, health, and healing! :) You can say it and it covers everything haha :p

Peace. Love. Joy.

Sing for the beauty that is yet to be found.

Today was the second day of BSSM.....
it seriously amazes me the promises of God.

He has never ever failed me, yet still I can doubt His faithfulness so much.

After a hard day yesterday with a lot of emotion, today was refreshing.
I have to say I have NEVER felt the presence of God as I did today in worship.
His love was so intense in the atmosphere.
I could literally feel Him squeezing me...
squeezing out all anxiety....
squeezing out all fear.
Replacing it all with His outrageous love that no man could ever manufacture.
It was so extravagantly beautiful.

In those moments of experiencing His rich, tangible love I realized all my freight was so useless. It got me nowhere, just in a big mind mess, that I literally thought myself into.

Man, oh man is He faithful.
It's hard to even describe His faithfulness...
He seriously is so gentle and loving in the midst of my issues.
It amazes me day by day.
He never has once left me....even when I have decided to rely on my self instead of Him (resulting in bad haha...since I cannot help myself...only He can)

I am so excited for these next 9 months of Him teaching me and stretching me in areas.
But, more than anything, I am excited to experience even more of His heart; His love, His faithfulness.

This one goes to the beauty that is yet to be discovered in this season....
I am stoked!! :)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Aslan.

“Aslan”, said Lucy. “You’re bigger.”
“That is because you are older, little one,” answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”
(from Prince Caspian)

Woah. How profound is that!
As we begin to dig deeper and deeper into the heart of God He just gets even bigger.
We never run out of space to dig deeper—how phenomenal.
There is always something new and exciting to glean from Him.
He never disappoints. So keep digging :-)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Rest. Peace. And, more Rest.

I have heard it said that a road trip across the country can change things.
I have come to find out that is so very true.
In one cross country trip, my Abba encountered the deep parts of my heart.
He taught me to rest in Him.
Something, I had never really walked in; but, happens to be such a key aspect of who He is.

I have found for most of my life, at least the years I can vividly remember I have allowed thoughts to control my mind instead of abiding in His loving rest and peace that is provided for me. It’s there, always has been, I have just neglected it instead of embraced it.

Through 5 days of traveling He showed me the thought patterns that were literally destroying me, because they were ultimately controlling my life. When thoughts try to creep in and cause fear and anxiety (which is not part of who HE is) then I have the power to turn from those thoughts and instead embrace Jesus’ peace and rest and allow Him to fight my battles. I have to learn to trust Him, I don’t need to worry, because He has already gone before me and made a straight path for me. How incredible.

I made up my mind on this road trip; I would no longer resist His peace and rest. I would no longer not completely trust Him with my life (because ultimately when you worry, fear, and get anxious you aren’t trusting Him). I choose to abide in His peace and rest always; to completely trust Him with every aspect of my life.

He is beautiful. Outrageous. Incredible. Magnificent. Wonderful. (and every other word out there that could possibly be amazing haha)
I choose to live my life under the shadow of His wings.
Walking with confidence knowing He has got everything under control.
Why should I not trust Him?! :)

“I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (Psalm 34:4-5)

“I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze, and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel who summons you by name.” (Isaiah 45:2-3)

“So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34)

“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Why, Hello New Season...

Today is my last day in Frederick, and in Maryland.
Tomorrow, I embark on a four day journey to the wonderful, creative, sunny California.

Transitioning has never been something I am quite good at, but I am trusting my Abba on this one and I believe everything is going to be so very smooth ;)

This morning I had a little "cry" session with Jesus. Leaving my family, leaving the things and places, and people I am so familiar with. It's hard. I am embarking on a new journey, one that is going to take a lot of trust. The unknown honestly freaks me out, and right now...this new journey, is just that, "unknown".

The thing keeping me right now is His promises. I know He always keeps His promises. I know He is going to do so much in me in the next 9 months that I will barely even recognize myself. That is exciting. When Jesus can come in and rearrange things and make us this whole new person formed and fashioned after Him...it's honestly outrageous to me.

So, here is to a new adventure. A new journey with my Abba! :) Here is to new people, new friendships, and new accomplishments!

Before, I close this blog though, I would like to acknowledge people who in this past year have seriously meant the world to me because they deserve to be noticed...they are just that cool :)

Let's see...where to begin....

My familia:
Dad-You've taught me to just be me no matter what. To never feel pressure to conform to something in the church just because other people are doing it. You've taught me to engage with Jesus on my own level. You've also taught me mercy, and to love and care for those around me, especially those less fortunate. I love you!



Mom- Wow. Where to begin? You've taught me what it means to love. You've been a wonderful example through my whole life of loving consistenly and constantly while still knowing how to speak truth. You've had more grace with people then I could possibly fathom. It's truly remarkable. I would not trade you for one second. The lessons you've taught me, and more importantly displayed for me have been amazing! I love, LOVE, LOVE YOU!




Caitlin- Oh, dearest Caitlin. You are wonderful. You get me. And, you still love me even though you get me! haha :p You probably are the one person who knows me inside and out. You know my many flaws as well as the things I am good at I let no one know about. You have been an amazing example of intimacy with the Father and have showed me what it really means to be an intercessor and to stand for something bigger than myself. You've been the one who always roots for me and believes in me, more than I could ever belief in myself. You've taught me to face life fearless and more importantly how to adventureee! haha :) I love you!




Siobhan- Ahh, Siobhan, the one who has such a lovely soul. Man, girl, I think more than anything you've showed me what it's like to feel things deeply and to truly care for others. Your love and empathy for others has always amazed me! I know you are going to change so many lives, because you care truly from the bottom of your heart about the well being of others. You've always been the dare devil, and I am so opposite, so thinking about you always inspires me to take risk in life when I would rather be safe. Thanks for being YOU....I love you!!




Killian-My dearest Killian. I LOVE your strong personality. I LOVE that you never give up on what you are determined is truth. You will fight for justice until you see it! You are one of the hardest workers I have ever seen, and you also have such a gentle spirit about you...(even though you try to hide it haha)! I am going to miss your smile, our "talks" (that always end up with you mad at me lol), and our "movie dates" (that tend to always fail :p). AND, of course I will miss constantly hearing your wonderful opinions on...well, everything! haha I love you bro!



Debbie- Debbie, you are certainly my 3rd sister! I can tell you absolutely everything! We can always have so much fun and we don't have to fake it, we can be completely real and still have a blast! :) You are always so encouraging and I know you will always tell me the truth, which is a lovely characteristic! I appreciate you so much for everything! Thanks for always opening up your home and letting me stay and hang out with you and your gorgeous family! I LOVE YOU!



Katelyn- hahhaa...yeah, when I think of you I laugh. Man, the situations we've got ourselves into...never ceases to amaze me! ha :p We can always have so much fun, and be so random, and creative together! You are one of the easiest people to talk to you have some of the best advice known to man. I appreciate you beyond belief! You are raw, and honest, and it's wonderful! :) Love you!



Ashley- Ohh, Ashley....haha, we have some of the most fun/ awkward/ serious times together. You are the only one who can imitate me and my saying so very well! ;) I love that you are such a go getter and you never let a "no" stop you from what you want. You dream, and then always dream some more! I love youu!





Melissa- Even though we haven't known each other for too long, I feel like I've known you forever! This Summer was so wonderful getting to know you! ;) You are such a confident, bold person...it's inspiring. We can talk about everything...especially fashion ;) You inspire me to shoot for the stars and never settle for anything less than my dreams! I love you so much!




Kathy- My little sister, how I love you! It's crazy to think how long we've known each other and all the experiences we have had...and now your a flippin' junior in Highschool...how insane! I love your smile and your joy and your child likeness! It's refreshing! Thanks for staying true to yourself! You are so very lovely, don't ever doubt it! I am going to miss you alot! I love you sooo muuch and you will constantly be in my prayers.




Sarah- Even though you've been gone a lot this year on your own new season and journey, you've still be so amazing! When I think of you, I think of broken down cars, taco bell, Switchfoot, and singing "Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had Father Abraham...." smack dab in the middle of the National Mall! :) Ha, only you...only you ;) You have seriously been an amazing friend to me, and have listened to me on so many occasions, and walked through SO much with me! I love you to the ends of the earth!



Rebecca- It has been so amazing to get to REALLY know you in this last month! You are hands down one of the most beautiful people I know! You seriously are one that lives from the very heart of God. It's so lovely! You're amazing! Love you!! :)





There are so many other people who I would love to mention, only it would take days and lots and lots of typing away on this computer. So, I will just give one big shout out to all of those who have meant so much to me through the years! :) I will never forget your kindness! ;)

And, so the journey begins......

Peace. Love. Joy.

Summer 2010.

Every Summer, just as every year, has it's own story.

This Summer was a Summer of no longer allowing fear to control me.
It was a Summer of embracing life and joy and all that is true to the character of Jesus.

I for so long have allowed myself to be controlled by bondage and emotions and all that is going on at the present time of my life.

I learned this Summer to pass beyond my comfort zone, and to embrace who Jesus created me to be and not settle for anything less. I learned to be comfortable with how he made me, not try to live up to others expectations of who I should be.

If there was one word to describe this Summer, I would say Freedom.
I still have a lot to learn when it comes to this word.
But, this Summer I embraced it.
I embraced joy.
I embraced the new.

Ultimately, I came to trust Jesus for His word.
No matter the things I have gone through in life, He is always there and He has taught me how to truly live life alive!

I am so thankful for Him. I am so thankful I can call Him Abba Daddy!!

I want to live the rest of my life with the fullness of joy!
I want to live the rest of my life ALIVE in His presence!

Cheers to Summer 2010.
Cheers to the new journey ahead.
Cheers to Jesus who has never given up on me!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Katy Perry.

As you probably already know, if you've read any of my blogs, I love Hollywood and believe each and every individual included in that category has got huge destiny's and I believe God loves them outrageously!

Katy Perry, as most of you know, was raised in a Pastor's home and released a Christian album before going over into the secular arena (which, there is nothing wrong with that in general terms at all) and became famous for, "I Kissed A Girl". Next thing we knew the whole world was asking, "who is Katy Perry?" We came to find out about her time in the Christian music world and so on and so forth.

Her newest CD just came out and I was curious to see what the songs were like as I had heard that some of them were very deep and not as "pop-ey" so to speak. My eldest sister and I, have in the past few months been talking about how we believe Katy Perry is going to come back to Jesus and use her platform to influence the world with the love of Jesus! Soo, in all my curiousity I browsed through her new songs, and came upon a song called, "Who Am I Living For?" I thought, "hmm, this could be interesting!" Since the demo of the song was only 30 seconds long, I looked up the lyrics and to my utter amazement and excitement I found these lyrics:

Yeah eh yeah yeah

I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross to bear
But i will get there

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the front line when the bombs start to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am i living for?

I can feel this light that's inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So i pray for a favor like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that's the price

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the front line when the bombs start to fall
I can see the heavens but i still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall

HECK YESS! God's got her! =)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Fashion at the 2010 Emmys.

Awards shows always present a wonderful opportunity of examining the wonderful fashion choices.

Here are my top 5 favorites of the night(this was hard, as there were a lot of beautiful dresses on that carpet last night):




(Nina Dobrev in a silk Zuhair Murad dress)



(Rose Byrne in Gucci)



(Emily Deschanel in Max Azria Atelier)




(Claire Danes in Armani Prive)



(Kim Kardashian in a Marchesa dress)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Fall 2010 trends and must haves.

This Fall there are so many awesome things trending! Fall is by far my favorite season; the colors, the weather, and the fashion are the best ;)

Must haves:

Military Trend



(this is an AE miltary jacket-$49.50)

The Jegging



(AE Soft Jegging-$39.50)

The Boyfriend Blazer



(LC Lauren Conrad for Kohls- $41.99)

The Leather Jacket



(LC Lauren Conrad for Kohls-$49.99)

LACE Galore!



(Target-$16.99)

Clogs and Leg Warmers are also taking a come back this season. I don't know if I am going to jump on their bandwagons, but props to you if you do ;)

Peace. Love. Joy.

The Olsen Twins.

I don't know about you, but I thought the Olsen Twins had their minute of fame and have been long gone by now.
But, the truth is, they have been busier then ever right under our nose with two fashion lines. One, a high fashion line, the other; available at your local JcPenney.

To be honest I have always been quite intrigued by these girls, besides thinking they have always been beautiful and fashionable...for some reason, they have always just stuck out in Hollywood. I have always wondered what happened to them and what they've been up to. Between rehab stints and connections to Heath Ledger's death, I haven't heard much about them at all.

I pick up a copy of marie claire and find out completely differently. I find out they have been building their empire beneath our noses, and props to them for that!

Their high end fashion line, The Row, has several stores as well as sells online on a handful of sites, ones being Bergdorf Goodman. If you would like to check out the collection on sale at Bergdorf here is the link: http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/store/catalog/templates/EntrySC.jhtml?itemId=cat302834&parentId=cat30005&masterId=cat000008&navAction=index&ecid=BGSGDIThe_Row&002=2132271&004=1224863166&005=3269876815&006=5778467586&007=Search&008=

They also have a line available at JcPenney called "Olsenboye", and the link for that is, http://www3.jcpenney.com/jcp/XGN.aspx?DeptID=71275&CatID=71282&cmCatLevel=3&shopperType=G&CmCatId=71275. My favorite was the Emma dress...I might just go out and get it, although my closet is probably screaming "Noo!" haha I know plenty of you gals will undertstand that ;)

I guess after all these years of being in the limelight we have come to find out the Olsen Twins are quite the savvy business women, as well as rather brilliant fashionistas.

I'll leave you with a quote from the latest issue of Marie Claire, featuring Mary Kate on the cover. This quote will leave you wanting to go to your local grocery store just to read the whole story. It's worth the $3.99, promise! :)

"I would never wish my upbringing upon anyone....but I wouldn't take it back for the world."

See, told ya it would make you wanna go pick up a copy!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Legacy.

My beautiful Grandmother just celebrated her 90th Birthday this past weekend.
Man, 90 years of life.
90 years of experiences.
90 years of memories.
That is incredible to me.

The things she has seen, the places she has been.
The achievements of her life...it's astounding.

So, this blog is in honor of her life.
In honor of her doing everything she could, when she had no money, to make it through college. She created a legacy for her children, and us her grandchildren, as well, as our children to come.

I love her, Margaret Shea. I am honored to be apart of her legacy and life, and respect who she is, where she has been, and what she has done.

One of her famous sayings,
"Doesn't matter what you do, as long as you love. It's all about love."

Confronting beauty head on.

Have you ever thought of the importance of beauty that is placed on our culture?

Recently, I have been realizing how insane it is.
Everyone has an opinion about your weight, your hair, your face etc.
It gets completely ridiculous.
We try to live up to these standards that aren't even real.

We have become such a self absorbed society.
It really does make me sad.
We will go to such extreme lengths in this country to be considered beautiful.

We are told in our society we have to be this and we have to be that...
but who said they make the rules?
Why can't we define beauty?

I think it takes courage to define beauty for yourself.
It means coming out of the norm.
It means facing your fears straight in the eyes.
And, more than anything it means confronting truth.

I would charge you to be different.
Define beauty for yourself.
And, more importantly stop and realize every single day beauty is available to be seen all around you.



Peace. Love. Joy.

Blake Lively.

Over the years, I have always thought Blake Lively was just naturally gorgeous and I think she has amazing style, whether she is on Gossip Girl or just walking down the street she always looks super chic and cute!

Deeper Roots.

"Maybe the accelerating digital network is not the best soil for the human soul. I want to live with deeper roots even it it means a slower means of travel. Maybe I could spend a little more time in the garden and a little less time in the fast lane. I'm pretty sure that we could all use a little more dirt underneath our fingernails." (Jon Foreman) [Read the rest of this amazing article at, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-foreman/the-economy-of-the-garden_b_677770.html]

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"Don't go to Hollywood and compromise to get higher and then have a voice. Live uncompromised and allow God to supernaturally promote you." (Lou Engle-paraphrased)

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"Our mind is either being renewed or its at war with God. There is no middle ground." (Bill Johnson)

"If you don't have your mind on the ultimate, you'll be driven by the immediate."

"The Holy Spirit is in every believer, but the Holy Spirit does not rest on every believer."
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"I will praise you forever for what YOU have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise YOU in the presence of your saints." (Psalm 52:9)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Greece.

I have a lot of places I want to visit in this world, well actually let's be honest I pretty much want to go everywhere! haha :) BUT, one place I want to make my next destination is Greece. I just think it looks so magnificently beautiful! I am going to save up money and make is my next adventure forsure!

Here are some pictures I found on the web just to make me drool over in eager expectation until I can see it with my own eyes!!

"Amazing. Just the way you are!"

I am a strong advocate of encouragement and speaking life. I think you can speak things into existence. Anywayz, I love this new song by Bruno Mars because in our constant culture of telling what girls should be and need to be, this song is so life giving and real. It kinds reminds me of something Jesus would say over us, "that we are perfect just the way we are!" :)

Enjoy! And, believe you're beautiful because afterall you were created IN THE IMAGE of the most beautiful creature ever in existence; Jesus! =)

Sun Rise.

This morning, while I was in Virginia Beach visiting some hecka awesome friends, we decided to wake up and go see the sun rise; one of my favorite things to do when I am near the ocean. Although, it's early, I have had some of the most profound times with my Abba just watching that sun rise while hearing the waves crash.

You sit there and it blows your mind. The sky, the colors, the water...our Abba. Like, how amazing is it that each and everday He literally paints the sky just for us! CRAZY! It blows my mind. He orchastrates everything so wonderfully and perfect and He has a hay day just painting away to create the sky everyday. I automatically get this picture of a crazy artist in my head, just taking tons of paint and just going crazy, yet creating something so intricate and beautiful; and every single day it coming out completely different. I love Him for so much. But, I find the simplicest things make me go crazy about Him. :)

I think one year I want to make it a point, that wherever I am I wake up every single day for a year to see the sun rise and document it...wouldn't that be so amazing?


"The mighty One, God, the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets. From zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth." (Psalm 50:1-3)

Peace.Love.Joy.

Identity.

In this past year God has really processed me and brought parts of my identity to my attention I either suppressed or never knew was apart of me.

It's crazy how in life, especially in the church world we create this idea of who we should be, and what we should do. We create a formula for holiness. A job description that holiness entails. I think in the midst of a religious mindset we suppress parts of our identity because we don't feel like it's what the religious system wants for us. But, what if that very process of being what everyone else expects of us hinders parts of our identity Jesus has placed inside of us?

I think up until the beginning of this year I have allowed this to happen in my own life. I think in a lot of ways I was self righteous in my early teens, and I think it mostly stemmed from being zealous in the midst of immaturity. Thus, not having wisdom. Anyways, that's a bunny trail haha :p

The point is this, in the past year parts of me have come out I never knew existed. But, it only came to the surface once I stopped caring what people thought and wanted from me in order to be considered this "holy" person. It came when I said, "Jesus, I want YOU. Period. I want YOU to define me. Not people. Not the world."

All of a sudden so many things I never even cared about became so interesting and part of me. Nothing, of course, take the place of Jesus. But, certain passions inside of me came to life that I never knew existed.

I know since I was younger I have always been drawn to Hollywood and all that it entails. Mostly the people. But loving and caring for people in Hollywood isn't usually something the church goes..."ahh! Wow! You've hit the jack pot there." Most people will (and have) laugh at in your face when you say you are praying for so and so in Hollywood. They see no point. And, that's okay. But, I let that thinking suppress something inside of me. In the past year though Jesus has really brought that back to life. And, no matter your opinion on the subject, I do pray for Hollywood almost every day. I believe that there will be massive revival there and lives will be changed globally through it.

I also have come to love fashion. Something, I never knew existed inside of me. But, I do, I love fashion. It may seem materialistic to you...but to me, I think it's an aspect of creativity that Jesus placed inside of me. No, it won't change my life, only Jesus will, but I can still express myself through the art of clothes and Jesus loves it...because, it's how He made me.

I think it's the little things that make us who we are that we call insignificant. We try to create this picture perfect idea of a "Christian" and we lose part of who we are in the process.

So, I charge you guys submit who you are to Jesus not man and allow the little tiny details and passions that make you who you are come out! Jesus loves it and HE placed it in you from the beginning of time. Embrace it. It's who you ARE.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Random Talk.

Pretty excited for this, not gunnaaa lie :)

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This is sad. My friends, whether we want to believe it or not there is sex trafficking going on not just in other countries (which is horrible!!) but also on our own land; right under our noses. May we fight for justice for this atrocity overseas and here in America.


http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/08/03/craigslist.sex.ads/index.html?hpt=C2
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"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me-
a prayer to the God of my life."
(Psalm 42:7-8)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Inheritance.

God has been pounding me with this lately.
The legacy I have,
the ones who went before me.

I look back on my family line and those who have gone before me,
and in the natural they did pretty cool things...
one of my Grandfather's flew Frank Sinatra (which, trust me is a story in itself) and the Beatles the first time they came to America.
The other Grandfather was very high up in Norfolk Southern Railroads and actually created their emblem which still exists to this day. He also worked for the CIA.
Looking at that, I go "wow! There's a lot to live up to there!" haha

My Grandmothers also have amazing stories! That's a whole book in itself ;)
Then, of course, come my parents, and their amazing stories!
They have one thing in common, they have lived in a time I do not know, nor ever will know. I wasn't there, they were. I can choose to walk away from inheritance and legacy and count it useless, or find value in their stories. I can literally benefit from the stories of their lives even though time and space separate me from being there.

Spiritual legacy becomes a whole new amazing ball game.
My parents have fought for things.
They have fought for me to have what I have.
They have sacrificed to be in ministry.
To stand as ones willing to lead the way for others.
It's been sacrifice, trust me on that.

Oh, but I appreciate the trail they have blazed.
I appreciate the lives they've touched.
I appreciate the nations they have gone to.
More importantly, I appreciate their hearts towards Jesus.

Everything I am comes from the platform they have made throughout their lives..
the most amazing thing though is that what they have fought for, I don't have to fight for; it's mine by inheritance.

This makes me want to live my life in such a way that I leave an inheritance and a righteous legacy for my lineage I will never see. I want them to go to a place I never went to with Jesus! I want to make a path that they can continue on where they can go to uncharted waters I will never be able to.

So, I encourage you guys, respect the ones in your life who have left their legacy and inheritance for you. It's such an honor to share in their stories, and benefit from their lives.

My friends, do not take for granted the legacy with which you've been given by inheritance. Embrace it.

"Honor creates a highway in which inheritance flows from generation to generation." (Kris Vallotton)

Peace. Love. Joy.

(The picture above is of my lovely Grandparents)

Psalm 34

As I was spending time with Jesus last night, and reading the Bible, Psalm 34 was so profound and intense; really spoke to me, so I thought I would share it:

"I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;
he foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeemed his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him."

Peace. Love. Joy.