Changing the world.

We all, even if way deep down inside,
have a dream, ultimately one that we believe will change the world.
And, even if we haven't dreamed up some big dream,
we have this underlying desire to change the world;
to affect someone, something.

I have a dream.
A pretty massive dream, in fact.
And, yes it entails changing lives & essentially changing this world.

Sometimes though I begin to ponder life,
how I am not guaranteed another day,
which causes me to say to Jesus,
"Don't let me leave this earth until I have accomplished my dream."
The truth is, my dream, it's going to take some time to accomplish.
I can't just go out today & make it happen.
Which, as I said, ultimately makes me ask Jesus for that precious thing called time to make it happen.

As I pondered this the other day, as I do most days,
Jesus brought to my attention that even though I am not promised another day,
I do have today.
I can't go through life just thinking about this big dream I have, that is going to take time to accomplish.
I have to also think about the here and now.
The everyday person I cross paths with daily.
I DO have the opportunity to affect their lives,
& in turn affect the world.

See guys, it's just that one life you touch,
that one life, ultimately changes the world.
Don't take for granted the moments you have right now,
all around you,
to change the world.

Hold fast to that big dream of yours,
but never lose sight of the little dreams surrounding you daily.
There are so many people waiting to be changed,
waiting for that hope.
You can be that hope, that change.

Just touch one,
and you touch the world.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Discernment

I write this knowing some people will take this as me judging... but I am not trying to judge, I am just trying to say what is on my heart. I think sometimes, in the Church, we only want to hear the "nice" things and whenever someone says something that offends us, we immediately mark is off as judgment. In my opinion, if you look throughout the Bible God constantly offended people by calling them out on their religous idiocy so to speak. I don't know about you, but I want God to offend me, I love when He offends me, because it shows me where I have gone wrong and where He can come and shed light. My pursuit in this life is to be just like Him, and if He must come and offend me to make me more and more like Him, then heck everything inside of me is all for Him offending.

So, now to my point....
Lately, I have been so riveted and sombered by the lack of discernment in the Body of Christ. It seems, so many people just go with the motions, without every really stopping and looking at what exactly is happening.
We get so caught up in what we think revival is going to look like, and then whenever what we think it's going to look like happens, we quickly jump on a band wagon, most of us with very good intentions. But, have you ever just stopped and said, "Jesus, I want you to define Revival!" I think so often we end up boxing God in without knowing it because in our minds we paint this picture of what it looks like. We say people out in the Holy Ghost is Revival, and yes, I am very much sure that is part of it. But, why can't revival also be apart of the quiet and peaceful moments when God literally just comes and shakes up our ideologies? Or, why can't it be when we are in the supermarket and we see a need and begin to pray for someone? Why can't that be Revival?

I think so often when we see someone who is prophetic, or healing, or doing signs and wonders, we run to them without any discretion, forgetting that the Bible says that those who know nothing about Jesus are going to be able to do the very same things. Now, we all know that these very things are the things we are to walk in, and rightly so. We are called to bring the Kingdom of Heaven down to earth, through the signs, the wonders and the miracles. But, we must be ever careful of the band wagons we jump on without asking God if it is even Him.

Guys, there are two worlds....a light one and the dark one, and they are both very supernatural. Especially, in the days we are living we must be able to discern the difference and press into the light. And through Jesus and Jesus alone see those signs, wonders, and miracles!

Anywayz, I hope I expressed myself well, and you understand. If not, I am sorry, I certainly tried.

Peace.Love.Joy.

Authenticity of His love.

This is an exerpt from One Tree Hill last episode, it's between one of the main characters and a young boy at a young kids home....
Clay-"Nice shot! You got another one of those?" (as the boy shoots the ball)
"You got an agent?"
Boy-"I don't need your charity today."
Clay-"You got a name?"
(as they begin to play some ball together)
Boy- "I know what you're doing, you're letting the poor kid win. That's what you all do, show up, volunteer for a few hours, make yourselves feel good about whatever."

This really portrayed to me the issue of love and kindness to others.
The truth is, anyone, and everyone can lend a helping hand.
Those who believe in Jesus and those who do not....not even a bit.

So what is the defining factor that separates us (the Christians) from the others?
It's love.
and Yes, the world can love. But, their love can only go so far, it's just human love. It's nothing supernatural.
We have this love. This supernatural love that extends past the world's mindsets and leaps right into their very hearts. It goes beyond their thinking. It's truly unexplainable.
The reason?
Because, it is supernatural. It's Jesus' love. A love no man could touch.

My point,
that the world knows what is real, what is authentic.
We must tap into the realness of who Jesus is, His love,
and use that to effect those around us, those hurting, those lost.
We literally have the key to transforms lives, and in turn transform a nation; a world....
just, simply with His
LOVE.

Peace.Love.Joy.

Fear.

Fear.
It plays some kind of role in most of our lives.
From the littlest things, to the biggest.

I, personally, have allowed fear to stop me from doing so much.
I have allowed it to tell me, I can't.
But, the truth is I can.
And, I will.

I have concluded, that everything that I am fearful of,
due to past hurts, I will no longer let it stop me.
When I am faced with a circumstance to be afraid of,
I am going to just Jump,
and do it.

Fear is ridiculous,
and has nothing on me.

I will dream.
I will fly.
Fear won't be able to do anything about it either.

Just inner ramblings.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Isaiah 1:17

"Seek justice,
encourage the opressed.
Defend the cause of the fatherless;
plead the case of the widow."

I want this verse to mark my life.

I want Jesus to:
Help me to see injustice,
so I can seek justice.
Help me to see the oppressed,
so I can encourage them.
Help me to see the fatherless,
so I can defend their cause.
Help me to see the widow,
so I can plead her case.

It's all about our eyes being open. There are people all around us. Crying out. Crying for that one person to fight for justice in their unjust circumstance. They want just one person to tell them they are special and that their life does have value. They want someone to come alongside them, when they have no earthly father to fight for them.

The awesome thing is we can be that person.
All we have to do is open our eyes to the people,
the lives all around us,
everday.

Everyone has a story.
So, Jesus...
open my eyes to the countless stories that surround me on a daily basis.
I want to be apart of those stories.
To be the essence of Your kingdom,
of who You are,
on this earth.

Peace.Love.Joy.

Restless Discomfort.

In every generation there are those that rise,
they rise above the status quo,
above what people say is the norm.
They decide to not simply fit in with those around them,
but to literally infect those around them.
Infect with what you ask?
The beautiful pursuit of their heart,
to one thing, and one thing alone,
their beautiful Jesus!

It's the very essence of who they are,
they allow this man named Jesus,
to shape their very identity.
He becomes the focus of their lives,
their every thought, their every breath.

When we look back upon the people who have walked the earth before us,
these burning ones stick out like sore thumbs.
Amy Carmichael, A.W. Tozer, Keith Green, Corrie Ten Boom, Jonathan Edwards, Oswald Chambers.
To name a few.
When you look at each man or woman,
the underlying thing that consumed every fiber of their being was Jesus...
and Jesus alone.
These burning ones, they were so consumed by the call.
They had mass amounts of people falling on their faces,
just simply because of their burning passion.
They were, simply put,
consumed, with one thing...
His heart.
Their desire, their whole life was based around...
Loving the ones He loves,
Moving where He moves,
being who He is.

I want that.
I don't want complacency.
I want to rise above the status quo in my generation.
I want to love the one's no one loves.
I want the prostitutes, the druggies,
the untouchables.
And, I want to be blessed with a restless discomfort all the days of my life.
So that I never become complacent in this.
That I ever burn with a fiery passion shut up in my bones.

The one thing, I want constantly playing on my mind, is this radical quote from Leanord Ravenhill:
"Are the things you're living for, worth Christ dying for?"

Peace.Love.Joy.

Uncomfortable.

We as humans, we long to be comfortable.
Comfortable is ultimately natural for us.
We enjoy it, we seek it out.

The thing is when we create a comfortable relationship with our Jesus...
we get to this point with Him where we've experienced a lot, and we are satisfied with that.
Then we stop, and we stay in that little spot, and we ultimately create our own little Jesus,
because we don't allow Him to be Him. We don't allow Him to take us to new places.
We just decide to settle in, and get cozy with what is comfortable to us.

Ah, how I pray I ever stay humble before His beautiful face,
so that I may never become comfortable.
I want to forever be uncomfortable.
I want to wake up every day with a challenge...
a challenge to go deeper...
wider..
higher.
I want to fly.
And then I want to fly again and again to new places with Him;
never becoming satisfied.
That is my pray for my life, that whatever happens down this journey I am on,
that I never, ever get comfortable.

Peace.Love.Joy.

Following the call.

Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier NOT to follow the "call",
it would be so much easier to not be consumed with all of that.
But, then I think about how every waking moment I didn't follow the "call",
that exact thing would constantly be whispering in my ear, pounding on my chest.
I could never escape it...
it would always be apart of me,
I could never change that.
My very DNA breathes the "call",
and it really is the only purpose of my existence.
So, I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to embrace what is hard, because in the end the satisfaction I get from following the "call" on my life is so much greater than anything that I had to conquer to get there. In the end, when I look back, the battle it took to get where I am, it will seem like nothing at all.
I will only be able to bask in His goodness, His love,
the very essence of who He is.
So, I say come whatever it may,
just so I can experience that beautiful bliss of serving Him,
that nothing in this world could come close to fulfilling in me.
I can't fight who I was made to be; the very essence of who I am.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Eighteen.

Well, here it is, my birthday.
18, by the rule books, is special, so I've heard.
This "monumental" day has made me really ponder my life and ultimately my beautiful Jesus.
Dang, is He amazing! His grace, His mercy, His love, is truly new every morning.
To think that I get the privilege to praise Him through whatever comes in my life, is truly astonishing to me.
He is so truly beautiful.

I was thinking today, everyone has something that defines them.
I have met people that allow looks to define them,
some that allow academics to define them,
some that allow athletics to define them,
and any other thing you can think of.
We all do it, so the real underlying question is what will you let define you Brianna?
And not just cliche-ly saying what will define me,
but really living what defines me.
It got me thinking... I really only what Jesus to define me.
I would give it all up, everything & anything.
In the end it just doesn't matter to me.

On the most hard, most hopeless days of my life, I look back and see the steadfastness of my Jesus! When I had no hope, He was the hope. When I had no vision, He was the vision. I look back on the obstacles I have faced in my life, the decisions that have led me to where I am today, and I can only look up and smile because truly without Him I don't know where I would be today.
But, I do know I wouldn't be the same person.
I wouldn't have the hope, the vision, the life that He has given me.

To this next year of my life, my prayer is that I live my life truly alive. With all that I am, all that I do.

If I do anything in this life, I just want to touch the one.
The one with no hope, no vision.
I would be satisfied with just that one.

So, to 18 years of life...
it's been a journey,
a beautiful one!
=)

Deep.

Have you noticed how being "deep" seems to have become this big claim?
Everyone wants to be "deep".
In the world, in the church...
deep.
Hmmm..
so I got to thinking, "do we even know what deep is?"
And if we do... it wouldn't be so deep anymore, right?
I think that we can't even begin to fathom what "deepness" is.
I want Jesus to define it for me. I want to know His version of deep.
And, at the same time I never want to be satisfied with what "deep" is.
I want it to always amaze and astound me.
Random thought.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Jonathan Edwards.

This is something Jonathan Edwards wrote, it's totally something that God has been showing me for awhile now. I thought you would enjoy it in the words of a profound and great man. Enjoy!

Not long after I first began to experience these things, I gave an account to my father of some things that had passed in my mind. I was pretty much affected by the discourse we had together; and when the discourse was ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary place in my father's pasture, for contemplation. And as I was walking there, and looking up on the sky and clouds, there came into my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious majesty and grace of God, that I know not how to express. I seemed to see them both in a sweet conjunction; majesty and meekness joined together; it was a sweet and gentle, and holy majesty; and also a majestic meekness; and awful sweetness; a high and great, and holy gentleness.
After this my sense of divine things gradually increased, and became more and more lively and had more of that inward sweetness. The appearance of every thing was altered; there seemed to be as it were, a calm, sweet cast, or appearance of divine glory in almost every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom, his purity and love, seemed to appear in every thing; in the sun, and moon, and stars: in the clouds and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, trees; in the water and all nature; which used greatly to fix my mind. I often used to sit and view the moon for continuance; and in the day spent much time in viewing the clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of God in these things; in the mean time, singing forth, with a low voice, my contemplations of the Creator and Redeemer. And scarce any thing, among all the works of nature, was so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; formerly, nothing had been so terrible to me. Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with thunder, and to be struck with terror when I saw a thunderstorm rising; but now, on the contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to speak, at the first appearance of a thunderstorm; and used to take the opportunity at such times, to fix myself in order to view the clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder, which oftentimes was exceedingly entertaining, leading me to sweet contemplations of my great and glorious God. While thus engaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing, or chant forth my meditations; or, to speak my thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice.
My sense of divine things seemed gradually to increase, until I went to preach at New York, which was about a year and a half after they began; and while I was there, I felt them, very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I had done before. My longings after God and holiness were much increased. Pure and humble, holy and heavenly Christianity appeared exceedingly amiable to me. I felt a burning desire to be in every thing a complete Christian; and conformed to the blessed image of Christ; and that I might live, in all things according to the pure, sweet, and blessed rules of the gospel. I had an eager thirsting after progress in these things; which put me upon pursuing and pressing after them. It was my continual strife day and night, and constant inquiry, how I should be more holy, and live more holily, and more becoming a child of God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought an increase of grace and holiness, and a holy life, with much more earnestness than ever I sought grace before I had it. I used to be continually examining myself, and studying and contriving for likely ways and means, how I should live holily with far greater diligence and earnestness, than ever I pursued any thing in my life; but yet with too great a dependence on my own strength; which afterwards proved a great damage to me. My experience had not then taught me, as it has done since, my extreme feebleness and impotence, every manner of way; and the bottomless depths of secret corruption and deceit there was in my heart. However, I went on with my eager pursuit after more holiness, and conformity to Christ.
I have a much greater sense of my universal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and strength, and mere good pleasure, of late, than I used formerly to have; and have experienced more of an abhorrence of my own righteousness. The very thought of any joy arising in me, on any consideration of my own amiableness, performances, or experiences, or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly afflicted with a proud and selfrighteous spirit, much more sensibly than I used to be formerly. I see that serpent rising and putting forth its head continually, every where, all around me.
Though it seems to me, that, in some respects, I was a far better Christian, for two or three years after my first conversion, than I am now; and lived in a more constant delight and pleasure; yet, of late years, I have had a more full and constant sense of the absolute sovereignty of God, and a delight in that sovereignty; and have had more of a sense of the glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular, I had such a discovery of the excellency of the gospel above all other doctrines, that I could not but say to myself, "This is my chosen light, my chosen doctrine"; and of Christ. "This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared sweet, beyond all expression to follow Christ, and to be taught, and enlightened and instructed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. Another Saturday night (January, 1739) I had such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that which was right and meet to be done, and agreeable to the holy mind of God; that it caused me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping, which held me some time, so that I was forced to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I could not but, as it were, cry out. "How happy are they which do that which is right in the sight of God! They are blessed indeed, they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same time, a very affecting sense, how meet and suitable it was that God should govern the world, and order all things according to His own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God reigned, and that His will was done.

Summer.

Summer.
Summer to me usually ends a season of life, and it usually ends with a particular theme.
In one word, I would sum up this summer as bittersweet.
Bitter, because it was probably one of the worst summer's of my life. & yes, I can honestly say that.
Sweet, because in the midst of some of the most hard and depressing days of my life my Jesus took me through a process. He slowed down life, showed me the simple things, the things about Himself.
I saw Jesus when all the nicey, nice stuff was gone. When all the self righteousness and pride we make Him to be is gone...just who He REALLY was.

Jesus became simple to me. HE showed me that christianity really isn't all the work we make it to be. It isn't about proving ourselves and our love for Jesus to others. We make it that though...we create this movement of show, and then label it "Jesus". But Jesus just dosen't care much about our "show", HE just wants us to love HIM, plain and simple. TO stop working at it. We make what HE calls plain and simple, so complicated when we create an atmosphere and christianity around us of self righteousness & pride.

Jesus became simple to me. When everything we build up and make HIM to be is stripped away and it is just HIM, and us. SIMPLE. SO BEAUTIFUL.

Now, as summer winds down and the next "season" begins, I pray it won't be as hard. But also, that the Jesus I came to know wouldn't leave my mind. That the simple things about HIM will forever stay etched on my heart. That I won't stray away from the simple.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Grasping Thin Air.

Grasping thin air, reaching for significance.
Fingers unable to touch the relevance of your victory.
This struggle with myself, this battle in my mind.
Dark places make your face difficult to find.
Wanting to be near you, but feeling the cold.
I cry out with my voice.
Trying to break the noise,
that separates my ability to hear your comfort.
I know you are there, you never leave my side.
And in these scary places, only in you can I confide.
Pour your sweet joy into me, for it is my only strength.
And the abundance you secure for me has no measures or length.
Transform my thoughts.
Heal my hearts longings.
Secure your word in me, and repel these wordly things.
I want to be yours, and have you as mine.
To have everything else in my life align.
You are beautiful,I desire only you.
Reveal these emotions behind this song as true.
You never fail me, you never forsake me.
Just let me touch your cloak today.
One touch and I know things don't have to continue this way.

Written by the amazing, Chelsea Steward.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Going With The Flow.

Going With The Flow.

So, once upon a time..
I got a speeding ticket..
which led to me going to court,
which led to me freaking out,
which led me to think...
about me freaking out.
Which went deeper,
and deeper,
until I came to an illustration of life.

The whole point I was speeding,
well it was because I was going with the flow.
Our natural tendency, is to do just that..
go with the flow.
It takes a certain determination & will to not.
At least I think.
We can so easily just do whatever everyone else is doing,
because we feel pressure to do so.

We have to work at not going with the flow.
Of just knowing we have to do what we have to do,
despite what those around us are doing.
It takes work.
But, it's worth it in the end.
After all it might save you from freaking out about court again.
:p

Peace. Love. Joy!

Why is it?

Why is it?
That we chase people...
that we allow them to define us.
And not just in the world,
in the church.

Why is is that we make celebrities out of preachers?
out of worship leaders?
out of ministries?

Why is is that we can say this worship is better than that worship..
or that ministry is better than this ministry?

We end up worshiping a particular worship leader...
a particular preacher...
a particular ministry.

When did it become about them,
and not God.
When did we decide we could say one ministry is better than another..
it's not even their ministry to begin with.

We go around, usually with good intentions...
and we can become so obsessed with people.
We end up looking just like the world.
Just in our own little box.

And, I think we miss out on another person's gifting or anointing..
because we keep our focus on one thing..
on one person...
one ministry.

Why is it that we do that?

Why can't we just simply be obsessed with
ONE..
the ultimate,
ONE,
Jesus?
Why can't HE define us?
After all, HE has got the best ministry around.
=)
Peace. Love. Joy.

Us-People.

I was looking at this quote from C.S. Lewis the other day, and it really got me thinking. He says this, "I hope you will not misunderstand what I am going to say. I am not preaching, and Heaven knows I do not pretend to be better than anyone else. I am only trying to call attention to a fact; the fact that this year or this month, or more likely, this very day we have failed to practice ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people."

This really made me think, about how we can walk around and always notice the issues in other people's lives, the things we just can't stand about them. The things we wish they could just fix and be better at. But, when do we ever ask ourselves if we need a little change, or a heart fix here and there.

We walk around and really end up judging people, and saying they need to be more like this or that, or we find something that just erks us about them.

I think it's part of human nature, and am in no way casting judgment on anyone... as I am merely human and I have judged people plenty.

I am just trying to show you, to show myself... that maybe next time we see an issue in some one's life, or something they need fixed...why don't we ask ourselves the same exact question? Why don't we presently come to fix that very thing in us. Why don't we look at where we have failed and where we haven't been abandoned to the things of God as much as we should.

We need to learn, more importantly, I need to learn, to keep my eyes on my beautiful Jesus, and constantly be examining my heart before I go and try to be the examiner of someone else's.

Let's just be laid down lovers-plain and simple!

Peace. Love. Joy!

Death.

Death.
It's a hard thing.
It's a bitter thing.
I don't think anyone quite fully understands it.
It usually leaves us asking, "why?"

Last night a tragedy hit.
An amazing man's life was taken away from this world.
A man who caused laughter and smiles to spread throughout a room.
He was a Husband, a Father, and a friend-to all who knew him.
When times got hard he never stopped spreading joy.
He was always bright and cheery.
I think he could probably make the grumpiest person alive smile.

I look back on the recent memories I have of his life, and just thinking about them makes me picture Jesus with a huge smile on His face.

I remember when I asked for volunteers to help with a conference. After church was let out people came flooding out, passing the sign up table. I was so discouraged, but then came Mr. Booth with a huge smile on his face and he uttered these words, "What can I do to help?" In those couple minutes he quickly became, "Mr. Booth, the leader of the Merchandise Table."

I remember walking through the Barrios of Nicaragua evangelizing. While the rest of the team huddled around one person at a time-Mr. Booth turned around, looked at the woman walking down the street, the little child riding his bicycle, and the countless taxi drivers that drove by us. He proceeded to speak the very little Spanish he know, and hand them a track. I can just see Jesus now saying, "My son do you know the lives that were changed that day? The souls that were saved because you decided to reach out and love them?"

I even remember the time he stared at me with eyes wide, jaw dropped when I told him I wanted to marry a gaged eared, tattooed, Irish man. He couldn't believe I would find such a guy attractive. I still remember in his English accent, he looked at me and said, "Oh my Brianna" and proceeded to laugh.

So, today I sit in a world without Mr. Niall Booth. Even in the confusion of asking "why?", I just think of these memories and how Jesus must be shouting, "Well done my good and faithful servant", as Mr. Booth runs out dancing upon the streets of gold, praising His beautiful Jesus (and probably telling a few jokes to the guy next to him as well). Knowing that his Abba is taking care of all us down here, and one day he will be dancing on those golden streets with his beautiful wife, and his precious children.

Fixing.

You know... I thought about something today.
I think we can spend our whole lives trying to be different,
that we don't really accomplish much.

We say to ourselves, well I cannot do that or this till I fix this part of me or that part etc.

Meanwhile, we keep dreaming, and once again put our dreams on hold... because we must fix something about us before we run after it.

I think, we should just run after our dreams and just be US, and do what is in our hearts.
and maybe while we are doing that... we will come to presently change into the person we have longed to be.

Just a thought.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Good Stuff.

“May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart. May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people. May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy. May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really can make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim.” -The Franciscan Blessing

Now that is just your everday...
good stuff.
Brilliant.

Love.

Love.
It is such a simple word-
yet so complex.

I have heard many people ponder their perspective on love.
I have heard many people preach love.
I have heard many people even proclaim that love was their life's message so to speak.
All this said quick and fast-with great intentions, but very little understanding of what they were speaking of.
I think most of us are at fault for this....

One day, I was asking God about all this talk about this "love" thing...
and I looked at the lives of people who had been preaching love, including myself might I add. He responded like this, "You got so caught up in preaching love, your forgot to live love." A very profound statement indeed-who would have thought?!
ha! =)

Anywayz, this made me think about people who changed my life through loving like Jesus, and some are even changing the world. Then I thought, and determined that they had never once preached love... they just were love. It brought me to a conclusion, that those who are really lovers, don't preach it, push it in others' faces, or even claim it is their life message. They just are IT-and that life example to me is better than a sermon on love. It is enough to change a life-to change the world!

There is this quote from C.S. Lewis I find myself pondering at times,
"Do not waste time bothering wether you "love" your neighbour;act as if you did. When you are behaving as if you loved someone you will presently come to love him."

I want to be that person. The one who just loves...just does it. No talking needed. I want to be the person who can literally walk into a room and not even have to say anything and the love of my Abba just permeates off of me into the hearts of those around. I want people to walk past me, and feel a love of a Father they have never experienced in their lives-and for that moment to literally transform their very being.

No talking. No Preaching.
Just, plain, simple... LOVE.
I want that to mark my life.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Life.

LIFE.

It's crazy how when my life is the most craziest, and unsure... I find the most joy in the future. Ironic, eh?

I am excited for my future.
I want to do lots of things...
I have got some pretty massive dreams.

When I start to think about how BIG and quite impossible they look right now,
I just can't get my heart to think that way.
I know I serve an amazing Abba.
He has never given me any reason to doubt Him anyhow.
I know that all the things He has placed in my heart are going to happen.

So, in the end, my heart flutters with Joy, thinking about the future.

Bottom Line is...
My Jesus is the the most beautifulest ever.
And, you couldn't even begin to deny that fact!
=)

Peace.Love.Joy.

Broken.

Well, I have not been on here in a long time.... a super long time. I have basically just been writing on my own, but I decided to edit this blog & continue writing.

God has been doing so much in me. Through me.
Process, it's a hard thing. That is for sure.

Have you ever caught yourself asking God to do something in your life, then when He begins to do it you freak out? Yup, that is me right now.

Through the last probably six months, I have been continually crying out to God to just break me. To say the least it has been a very difficult six months....He sure kept His end of the bargain! ha. As the months go on I continue to cry for the breaking, and surely it gets more and more difficult as I cry out more and more. The last few weeks have probably been some of the hardest in my life...and today I caught myself crying out to the Lord saying, "What is going on? I don't understand." Just as quickly as I can say that He sweetly reminds me I am the one who cried out for brokenness.

Which leads me to ponder what exactly is this "brokenness" I cry out for. To be "broken" according to the dictionary is to be violently separated into parts, damaged or altered by breaking, made weak or infirm. And, this is truly what I want. I want God to come, I want Him to destroy my ideologies, and to offend me, DEEPLY. I want Him to come into my heart and violently separate the things that keep me back from the fullness of His presence, of Him. I want Him to make me weak, literally depending on Him for my every breathe. Knowing I cannot move without Him. I want Him to break me.

I have come to the conclusion, that brokenness is hard, deep, real stuff. But in the midst of my hardest times in my life, is when I have come to know the very heartbeat of my Abba. I wouldn't trade one, itsy, bitsy moment of my breaking for anything. Because in those times, my heart became deeply connected to an infinite being, beyond what I could ever imagine. My heart was knitted with His in those times. I learned just who He was, and in turn who He called me. Basically, it comes down to...without the brokenness would I even know Him for what He says He is? Could He even use me?

So, in the end... I cry out... Abba continue to break me.
Anyway you have to..
break me.

Because, truly there is beauty in the fallout.
And that to me is precisely what brokenness is.


Peace. Love. Joy.