Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is the time everyone whips out the list of things they are thankful for, which is so lovely in so many aspects. At the risk of being super cliche I am going to try to express my gratitude for so many different things in my life right now. In all honesty, I try to wake up every morning and tell Abba, something, because there is always something, for which I am thankful. I am so very thankful (no pun intended haha), for a holiday where we can spend time with family and friends and express the deep things we are grateful for. I think though, making a lifestyle of thankfulness can be totally life changing, and I hope that I can live the rest of my life with that being a core value of mine.

With that being said, some things I am presently thankful for, and totally in awe of my Abba for:
-Transition and "muddy" times that bring people closer, and show an intimate part of my Abba's character I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.
-A mother who loves, and has taught me so much about simply being "me" and loving it.
-A father who despite mistakes, has shown me you can still answer the call of God on your life. You can still set in motion a movement. And, most important, you can still change lives.
-An inheritance stored up internally, as well as external.
-My ancestors, who were some of the most incredible people. My Grandfathers, who combined did some of the most amazing things, impacted the world, and influenced the influential in every sense of the word. My Grandmother's who were complete trailblazers for women. They are fighters. And, they too have experienced so many monumental things. It makes me realize I've got some pretty amazing people backing up my dreams, and visions. It reminds me constantly, that I can DO everything I set out to do.
-Seth Godin, and his brilliant thoughts.
-David Brooks, and his brilliant thoughts. (ha.)
-My siblings. Whom, each teach me a different aspect of life. One, that shows me how to live deeply. One, that shows me how to live joyfully. And, one who shows me how to live in wisdom and deep thought.
-The countless, amazing friends, whom in times of hardship have proved time and time again, that they truly define the word. "friend."
-The art of fashion, with which I can express to the world the creator that lives on the inside of me.
-The most lovely amazing people around the globe who are homeless, destitute, hurting, and victimized. They've taught me about love, and about what exactly makes up a "beautiful person." They've shown me apart of Abba's heart, that my heart can now beat in tune with--justice.
-The people of Nicaragua, whom since age 8, have continually portrayed to me what loving Jesus is all about. A sacrificial, whole hearted love to Abba.
-For getting to dream, and getting to see those dreams realized.
-Mia Hamm, Jon Foreman, Tom DeLonge, Kelly Cutrone, Lauren Conrad, Coco Chanel, DVF, Thoreau, Queen Victoria, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush....all of which have inspired me in some form or fashion through my life thus far.
-And, last, but most important, my beautiful Abba, who is the heartbeat behind all of the above. He has been so very faithful, more so than any human. He has shown me what it means to love. What it means to carry joy. What it means to go through the winters of life. And, what His grace is truly all about.

I am thankful that everyday there is something new to be thankful for.
That, again, just points to the brilliance, that is my Abba.

I am blessed.
I am loved beyond belief.
And, my default place shall always be: a much loved daughter.

To Thanksgiving....

Peace. Love. Joy.

Changing Culture

I am starting to really understand how culture is changed. Not mearly by words or a sermon, but by circumstances that have required me to come face to face with the reality of what being a change agent really is.

I am so thankful for the last season of my life. In so many ways, it was a time to be safe. A time to heal. A time to grow. But, then I was catapulted into the "real" world, not a safe, friendly environment. I have come face to face with your everyday people; your everyday situations, which have proven to be the grounds for which everything you've learned is challenged.

I truly believe the way you change culture is not through the big, grandeous things (although such things, and movements are wonderful as well). But, rather it's through the little everyday actions where we get to go against the grain. We get to infuse love, joy, and hope into every circumstance; every conversation. It begins  to show people there's a different way than they have seen. A different way than they've been told. You begin to change mindsets, and that ultimately is what changes culture.

Over the past week or so I have been thrown into situation after situation where I had the opportunity to respond differently in very "worldly" situations, and institutions. I saw my simple responses begin to make people stop and begin to think. Some, even thanked me for responding differently than they've ever seen.

I am honored to be given this season. It's a time like no other. A time where everything that has been sown into me is being challenged. The very things I have believed for years are coming face to face with situations where I really get to see what my heart believe in it's innermost parts.

I am so honored to be given the choice to respond differently to situations. I am honored to be given situations where I can challenge the "system" so to speak, and bring a new way of thinking, and a new way of doing things.

I think that's what Jesus did.
He walked the earth, not having to prove anything.
Just being put in situation after situation where He was able to bring a new mindset into the mix.
And, thus cause people to begin to think differently.
And, ultimately that is what changed culture,
and what continues too.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Born with a Fight.

I love how within hours, everything can shift, and change.
At least, internally (which subsequently changes all things external).
He truly does turn our mourning into joy.
I love it.

Do you ever find yourself making decisions with Him, but not understanding one bit why He is asking you to make the decisions?
All logical reason says NO, but He says "yes"....
so, of course you follow suite and move in His direction...hand in hand,
without having any idea in the world why.

That's been the past 5 months for me.
Not understanding, denying what was pretty much the comfortable thing--
the safe thing.
And, instead trusting Him with no understanding of why I couldn't "make the move" I logically thought was right.

It's all making sense now, though.
The last season. What was sown into my heart, my life.
It was indeed preparing me for this time...these moments I am presently living in.

No, I don't know how it will all end.
I do now though, that I am here because He wants me here.
There is something He has placed inside of me, that must be used in this time.

I can tell you, there is a fight in me.
A mighty fight....
to see justice prevail, and righteousness thrive.
To see lives fought for, and thus, lives restored.

It certainly hasn't been comfortable,
and without sounding too prideful,
it has been a denying of what I want in so many ways.

Alas, despite not living amidst circumstances I would desire,
I am learning to embrace the fact that there was a courage placed in me for this time, and this season.
There is a well deep within me that God wants to use right now, in these moments.

And, after all, when other then here and now will I get to fight?
When will I get to really see what has been cultivated within me?
When will I get to rise up and live audacious hope?
Now, is the time.
For, certainly when I go on from this life, and spend eternity with Him, I won't need any of it.
Now...these moments; is when I get to see the meaning of who He says He is shown.
When words, turn into action,
and what you've preached and been preached to about, no longer are words, but verbs in which we see His beauty and character revealed.

To these times...
For they surely shall pass.
To fighting...
For the "fight" has been in me from the beginning of time.

And, to destiny,
for I know just as I have looked back at the previous season, in contrast to this one,
I will be doing the same thing in the next season, concerning this one.

To the day, where I am living in the dream,
and not merely dreaming it up.


Peace. Love. Joy.

Solace.

I always find solace in writing. Somehow, it allows me the chance to take everything inside going on and get it out, or at least attempt to. It helps me to process life. Deal with pain. It gets me back to what I am really about.

I am very bad at admitting when I am not doing well. I hate saying things aren't good, because I just like to be optimistic and look on the bright side. Which is good...sometimes. Other times, I think it really is okay to just say things aren't okay. And, that life might just not be the most brilliant at the present moment. In no way does this discount my Abba's goodness--because, trust me He is so good. But, I think He meets us with His goodness in the good times, as well as the bad. I like to think He is right here with me, when it all is crashing down, not just when the sun is shining.

It's crazy how your heart can get caught up in something, and not even realize it until it's gone.
I've never been one to take things for granted--at least I didn't think I was.
Until, I did.
And, then I was left with no second chance--just a heart full of sorrow, regrets, and memories.

But, maybe if I wasn't worth enough to give a second chance, I am better for it now.
After all, who wants to be seen as a begger. Not me.
I'll take the pursuer.
Now, just to find that one.
Who even in the midst of chaos, and mistakes, will be forgiving and understanding.
Willing to trust again, even when they have no logical reason too.

"Everyone I've loved seems like a stranger in the night. But, oh my heart still burns tells me to return and search the faded light...so, tie me to the mast of this old ship and point me home. Before, I lose the one I love, before my chance is gone."

Those are some words from one of my favorite songs by Josh Garrels. I think it quite sums up my heart right now.

So, many different situations and circumstances I wish I could change.
It all hurts. That's okay, though.
I am going to let it hurt..
until, it no longer does.
I'll look back, and realize this was just a season of life, a moment of time,
and He really did carry me through.

I will see my dreams fulfilled.
That I believe.

Peace. Love. Joy.

The Ramblings.

I want to be pursued;
chased down.
I want my heart to feel safe;
at home.
I want to be seen for my strengths,
as well as my weaknesses.
I want to feel special,
loved, and taken care of.
I want to have at my side,
one who will cause me to fully live life alive.
One, whom will encourage me to
see all my Abba's wonderful goodness, day by day.
One who will extract joy in all situations;
in all seasons of life.
I want one of character;
of humility, love, and a spirit that roars, audacious hope.
I want one who sees my dreams,
and would sacrifice just as much as me to see them come to fruition.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Wandering Mind.

Sometimes, I wonder about things.
I wonder why, in the whole wide world, with so many people--
why it's so complicated to find that "one" person to spend the rest of you life with?

It's this age old, simple task, of finding another person to live, laugh, and do life with.
Yet, in all it's simplicity, it's the most complex thing as well.

You don't want to settle, just to have another person, or fulfill some type of social obligation.
You really want to love the person--to know that you can live life with them, and live it fully alive.

It's this tension, of desiring something, but not wanting to settle...
thus, waiting. And, learning to never lower your expectations,
but trust that they will be granted, in the form of another person.

After all, aren't our desires given to us by Him?
Thus, there must be someone out there who fits the criteria.

Surrendering to patience.

I love Queen Victoria--actually, most everything about her I love.
Reading about her life, I feel like in so many ways me and the Victoria had a lot in common.
I love, LOVE her relationship with Prince Albert. Here is this man, who learns to be powerful, but allows his wife, who happens to be the Queen of England, to be powerful as well. He learns to not play the game for her,
but rather play the game with her. I love that picture of love. I think that's how it should be.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Swarming.

Swarming feelings.
Emotions.
Inadequate?
Irreplaceable?
Forgotten?

Who will stick around for the long haul?
Who are those willing to invest, not just in the good times...
Who will stick by when it's muddy, and unpleasant?
Who will be the ones whom you can truly call friend at the end of the journey?

It hurts.
But, eh, it's life.
At least I am learning that comparison kills.
Ohh, yes it does.

Embracing the season.
Trusting.
Knowing your decisions were the right ones,
even if others don't agree or maybe understand...
or even stick around.

The truth is,
He is faithful.
The biggest lesson learned will be that of trust when I look back on these times; these seasons.

For now, I put my trust in Him.
The one who has never failed me.

Peace. Love. Joy.