His promises.

My church had a 21 day corporate fast that just ended Saturday.
I usually go into a fast with something on my mind...
not an aimless pursuit, but something I desire.
Usually it's to become more intimately acquainted with Jesus,
sometimes it's because I am interceding for a justice issue (or any issue), other times, I want God to really come and uproot some things.
I believe every time you fast God uproots things, but my whole purpose I laid before Jesus for the fast was not just to become more intimate with His heart, but I asked Him to come and deal with things in my heart.
I wrote down specific things I wanted Him to come and bring freedom to in my life.
Things that had built up due to past unforgiveness and bitterness.
Things I needed uprooted.
Essentially, I wanted to come out FREE.

I am going to be honest with you..
yes, I went into this fast believing with everything inside of me that I was going to come out a new person.
And yes, Friday, the day before the 21 days were up, I was sitting in my car at a park, weeping.
I said a lot of things to Jesus. Mainly, that I loved Him. That I was broken. That I needed His healing touch.
As I was journaling all on my mind. I looked up from my paper, and this came out of my mouth, "Jesus, I am going to be honest. I feel like you heal everyone around me, but when it comes to me it's just not happening. And, I hate that I feel that way. Because, I know I am wrong. I know that you love me. I know that you want to see me whole." And, that was that. Moments later I wiped my tears away & drove off to my next destination.

Saturday came. Midnight came.Sunday came. The fast ended.
And, I laid my head on the pillow wondering, did it really do anything? All the same knowing in the back of my mind He is true to His word. He never failed me before.

I woke up Sunday. Busily getting ready for Church, not paying much attention.
In the middle of worship, I realized it was different, something was different.
I felt lighter. More full of joy (something I had cried out for). Like the heaviness had lifted. Throughout the day I walked in a freedom I haven't known for quite some time.. a year or more...at least.

That night, something happened. There was a moment in time I had with Jesus. When I was crying out for someone else, someone extremely broken. As I began praying for this person, the very things I was speaking over their life my soul needed to hear. I knew these things, but when I wasn't the focus, when it became someone else. Someone broken. Someone with a story. My prayer over their life, over their story brought the very seal of healing over my life and my story that I had been crying out for.

All of that to say...
He keeps His promises.
There were days leading up to the ending of that fast where I wanted to quit.
Why? Because, I felt the soul purpose of why I was doing it wasn't even being dealt with. I didn't quit though. I think, because I knew in the very depths of my heart He wouldn't let me down. And, he didn't. He waited for the very last minute, but He brought the freedom I was crying out for.

Guys, He will always keep His promises towards you.
Even when the world screams it's a lost cause...
He comes, like a superhero in the night, and brings that rescue we've waited for.
His promises.. are just that, promises.
Never doubt it.
He loves you outrageously.
He will never let you down.
EVER.

This little simple promise He fulfilled for me, it brought something so much larger to my attention. If He is able to come and deal with the little things that I keep myself locked in. Then how much more is He willing to fulfill the many promises of dreams He has places in my heart.
After all, my dreams aren't really mine...
their His.
Of course, He is going to make them happen.
He wants them to be fulfilled more than I even do.

I'll leave you with this verse that has really been speaking to me,
Isaiah 45:2-3:
"I will go before you and will level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze, and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places. So that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Live life alive.
Be full of joy.
Dream.
and Dream some more.
& remember, He will
AlWAYS
fulfill the promise He gave you.
Most of all y'all..
be FREE!
Peace. Love. Joy.

To being a child.....

The past couple weeks I find myself being drawn back to my childhood,
to the simplicity of it all.
No worries, no concerns.
Just this pure, joyful freedom.
Just thinking about it makes me smile
& miss it.
A LOT.

I find myself wanting to go back,
trying to find that child in me.
The little girl;
the one who was free, full of life, joy, and love.

It's hard though.
You know, we all grow up.
We all begin to live this life, that turns into this story.
A story of pain, hardship, disappointment..
as well as crazy, awesome things that mark our lives & we will never forget:
stuff like friends, camps, vacations, graduations, achievements, our first job, out first crush etc.
We all have those things...
all of them,
the good & the bad.
And, it eventually becomes OUR story.
A story no one else can know or tell.

Sometimes, though the story gets complicated.
Life gets harder.
Slowly the circumstances surrounding us strip us of that freedom, joy, life we once knew when we were undefiled from the world.

Recently, I have come to grips with the things I have allowed my circumstances throughout my life to strip away.
It makes me ponder, something I do very often if you haven't noticed ;)
I have come to the conclusion that yes, life is hard, yes disappointment comes, hardship comes.

Some years have been better than others.
And, that will be so the rest of my life.
I can't change my circumstances
but, I still can live life alive through it all.

I can choose to find that little girl who once only knew joy.
I will find that girl.
How? Because, I serve this absolutely, phenomenal, incredible, Abba.
He has never disappointed me.
He has always been there saying, "Brianna, you are that little girl in me. You are full of life. Full of joy. It's right here."
That's the truth.
He is ALWAYS there & has never failed me.
Ever.
Sheesh. That is incredible.

No matter what has happened in my life, no matter what will happen in my life.
I can make a decision to live it like a child.
Full of life.
Full of joy.
Because HE is my Abba.
That,
that one thing... will never disappoint.

When I begin to not just believe that,
but live my life from that....
I can look up, past my self, past my hurts, past my circumstances,
and realize there are stories all around me,
just waiting to be heard.
And, I want to hear them.
I want to know the stories of the lives all around me.

It's much bigger than me.
I want to know that child that lies in each and every person.
The child who had huge, crazy dreams that no man could crush.
I want that dream to become their story.



Peace. Love. Joy.

And, this one is for twenty ten.

Here I am.
2010.
I can't say I will miss 2009,
but, I surely will remember it.

This past year I could most positively say was one of the hardest of my life, it was hard, there were many battles, followed by many tears. In the midst of it all I lost parts of who I am, I lost my passion, and more then anything the very feeling of being alive was sucked out from me. Even though it was hard, when I look back on this past year the thing I will remember the most was the way my beautiful Jesus was right there with me through it all. I saw my Abba & His love plain and simple when everything that we surround Him with is striped away; He was just there loving as He always is. That will forever and always be my fondest, most precious memory of 2009.

A new year has begun. A new decade has begun.
When I ponder the things I want this year to be about, what I truly want my life to be about, one name comes to mind....Jesus.

I just got back from two weeks in Ireland, and it was absolutely beautiful & life changing in a lot of ways. I did a lot of thinking, I saw the things that I had last over the past year, and in the midst of a very broken and lost country I began to see what truly matters to me and what I want to be about. I essentially found the very things I had lost throughout the year.

What I want this next year to be about?
Jesus.
I don't want to make aspects of Him,
more important than Him.
I have so many dreams, passions.
I want to see justice brought to injustice.
I want to see love brought to the unlovable.
I want to see hope brought to the hopeless.
I want to see the broken dream once again.

But, I can't let any of that become the essence of who I am.
I can't let wanting those things to happen become more important then Jesus.
Although, I don't want to do any of it without Him & I want to do all of it for Him...
I still can't let it become more important.

See, I think we can take messages, aspects of His heart, and it becomes something we chase, almost idolize. The truth is though, all we need is to burn for Him, to be so engulfed in who He is that nothing else in this world matters. To so, crave His presence that people see HIM when we walk past them in the streets. Once that becomes who we are, the rest follows.
I will see justice, love, hope, dreaming brought to those in need of it.
Because, all of that is Jesus.
And, I don't want any of them to become higher then Him in my life.
They mean nothing without that 5 letter name: Jesus.

So, for 2010 I have a lot of dreams, and visions; things I want to see myself accomplish & grow in.
But, more then any of that, I just want to be so helplessly in love with my beautiful Abba.

I am excited for whats ahead.
I am excited for lives being transformed.
I am excited to see Jesus bring revival to the dead places.
I am excited to see countries & peoples that have no Jesus become the very places where revival breaks out.

I encourage you to dream this year, and to truly live your life alive.
Most of all, keep your eyes on Jesus & become literally obsessed with His heart.

I'll leave you with a quote from a hero of mine....someone who I believe is changing the world..through love & hope...but ultimately through some amazing Jesus love & hope:
"Darkness cannot cast out darkness. You need a light for that. Fear cannot cast out fear. You're gonna need hope for that... death warrants more death. But I believe life wants more life and I'm convinced that the greatest weapon we've got is LOVE! And maybe, in a world full of fighters, in a world imploding with hate, maybe to be a lover, you gotta be a fighter. Maybe that's the biggest fight, the only fight worth fighting, the fight you're gonna be in for the rest of your life."

(Jon Foreman)


Peace. Love. Joy.