ALIVE.

To be honest I have nothing profound to say.....
my deep thoughts have not arrived at a destination today haha :p

I feel like I am on the verge of a new season,
and it's exciting! :-)

I find God always knows what we need when we need it.
It's been an interesting season, one of deep healing, and one of coming smack in the face with His presence.

And, I feel that I am about to fly like I never have before.
It's exciting...
and it's coming,
not sure when..
but, soon.

Soo here is to being alive,
and continuing to dream,
and dreaming so more.

Man, oh man is my Abba brilliant :-)

I love that He never gives me any challenge or season in life, that He hasn't already prepared me for in advance.
AHHH, He is gooood!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Oh, and Polka Dota are wonderful. Just sayin'

Tread Lightly....

The past few days I have had the honor of listening to the Vicar of Baghdad, Andrew White.
I don't think I expected much when I heard he was coming,
simply because I had no idea who he was.

But, oh boy. Was I surprised!
His stories, the places he has been, and if you simply saw him you would think he would be the unlikeliest person.
I am telling you people, greatness is all about the inside. ;)

He has had so much favor to bring Jesus into the country of Iraq...
he definitely personifies an agent of change.
There is something about his stories that really caught my attention,
I don't know if its because I have a lot of Egyptian family whom are Muslims...
or the fact my eldest sister is going to end up bringing change to the middle east,(making it a much talked about thing in my home)
nonetheless, it really struck my heart.

I remember being younger and reading a book called Red Moon Rising,
in the book the author, while in Iraq tells this story that to this day has stuck with me. He talks about while driving through Iraq he made eye contact with a woman on the street and instantly he heard God say, "tread lightly for this is holy ground." That statement struck me so profoundly and has always stayed with me.
I think that having family members that have originated from that part of the world, has probably placed a sensitivity and love for the culture on the inside of me.

Andrew White shared a story today that I probably will never forget either,
actually two... ha :)
The first one was about a little boy, who when soldiers bombarded into the church, killing people left and right walked around behind them saying, "please don't kill anymore people, we just want peace." Eventually they turned around and shot the little boy, but there is something so profound about that to me. Nothing inside of him screamed fear, instead it screamed love, thus promoting a message of peace. He knew who his God was, and he was fighting for the love that was manifest on the inside of him, coming alive in the soldiers and the atmosphere around him. He died fighting for that very thing, and something on the inside of me tells me that his cause was one worth fighting for. He is a hero.

White told another story about three little boys being kidnapped from their church, they found them the next day, dead, having been cooked in an oven and placed over rice. That made my heart stop. To imagine that is horror. But, alas it happened. Not hundreds of years ago..but mearly months ago. I can only think how happy those three little boys are right now in Heaven with their Abba! :-) They too are heroes of our day.

Something on the inside of me made me realize that I know nothing of persecution in my world. I let stupid things trip me up, I allow the pettiest of things to entertain my mind,I can become so fearful in an instant. Yet, across the world there are people, every minute facing the constant reality of being slaughtered in some form or fashion, and yet they live in perfect peace.
It tells me one thing, they've experienced love.
And, there is no fear in love.
It tells me something else, I clearly haven't experienced enough love.
So my hearts cry?
"God, I need more of your love!"

There is this incredible passage in Isaiah 19 that White consistently referred too,
"In that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria (present day Iraq). The Assyrians will go to Egypt and Egyptians to Assyria. The Egyptians and Assyrian's will worship together. In that day Israel will be the third, along with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing on the earth. The Lord Almighty will bless them, saying, "Blessed be Egypt my people, Assyria my handiwork, and Israel my inheritance."

Assyria, present day Iraq, those people, that nation is God's handiwork.
And, that is the promise that keeps them fighting onward.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Beauty lies within us all.

Do you ever get around certain people and you feel completely not great?
And, this thing rises up on the inside that says,
"you're amazing. you can prove it too...with this, and that, etc."
But, then I come back to reality..
"wait! I don't have to prove myself!"

It's crazy how being in a room with people who empower you,
and see your amazingness, your abilities, your talents...
they affirm who God made you to be;
you can totally feel it and it really makes you fly and grow.

But, you can also get in a room, where you feel not at all empowered,
in fact you feel looked down on, and no one seems to care whats on the inside of you.
And, I think depending on what you do and who you are around,
that mostly is what we face in life.

I think the battle in those moments is not having to prove yourself (because we all can),but knowing who you are, ignoring the criticism all around,
and still flying.. still growing..
even in the midst of being told, even if not spoken, "we just don't see greatness in you."

And, to be quite honest I think it comes down to,
"what exactly am I trying to prove?"
"who's opinion matters besides Abba?"
We have to retrain ourselves, to feel and know His pleasure,
no matter what the people around us are communicating to us.

I know I want to be a person who never despises or looks down upon any individual.
Just because, they may be more quiet, or may do things differently than me..
that doesn't give me a right to say they are not important, and that something great doesn't live on the inside of them.
I want to see the beauty in every person...the greatness each person has been called and destined to.
And, hey you never know who has what you need..
or who may need what you have.

Those are my thoughts for the day.
Oh, and as far as being healthier..
it's going wonderful!
Salads, and veggies all week! It's been quite lovely if I do say so myself. :-)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Ohhh, awkward places.

Today has been a bit weird...
actually, the past couple days have been.
It's like this weird feeling on the inside of me,
one I can't seem to nail.

I haven't been sleeping much lately,
I find my mind is racing, as well as my heart,
but not with anything in particular.
It's odd.

You know that complex space between your biggest dreams coming true,
and the journey it takes to get there?

There are so many moments I have to remind myself why I am doing what I am doing.
When processes seem useless, and uncomfortable its God who brings me back to the core of what I am after...
or more like, what He is after.
He brings me back to who He is,
and who I am in Him.
And, then the process doesn't look so bad.

But, I am not going to lie...
lately those "moments" of doubt have been happening a lot.
You know that awkward feeling when the grace lifts on a season,
and you feel God preparing you for transition,
but you have to wait for the transition to happen?

It's this place of knowing you're about to move on,
but realizing you haven't quite yet,
and you have to constantly remind yourself to finish strong.

So, yeah, that is where I am at today...March 23rd.
It's times like these though that I fall so much more in love with Abba,
and realize I need Him to constantly fill my heart so I can do just that..
finish strong!

Peace. Love. Joy.

One step closer to healthier...

Body image is such a huge thing in the world...
well, actually I think how we look in general is quite an obsession in the world.
We put so much emphasis on it, not just in the American culture, but all over the world...
it's hard not to get swept up into the obsession with perfecting oneself when it's constantly being thrown at us from every direction.

I have certaintly wracked many a moment thinking about how I can meet such outlandish standards thrown out into the air...
and not just Hollywood (because I know most of you reading this, probably went right there).
My theory?
I believe Hollywood, media, magazines, music etc.,
they feed off of OUR, yes your normal everyday person's, obsession with our looks.

I think it's hard to not think about it, when it seems everyone has an opinion on it...
I remember growing up, being a middle schooler and realizing that everyone had a comment on what I wore, what I looked like, and to be honest usually it wasn't my peer, it was the adults in my life...or not in my life, those who simply knew my parents, or showed up at one of our church events at some point.
It always made me wonder...why do they even care?
Can they just let ME be ME?
But despite my fight to do just that, be "me", I fell into obsessing over myself, and realizing, after much effort, I may never reach their expectations, wait..."what exactly is their expectation for me?", I wondered.

Anytime I would come to a semi-content place, someone else would have an opinion,
and of course to keep it to themselves would be just outright crazy it seemed.

I have really come to a place though, where I could care less about one's opinion of me, I am certainly content with who I am..
why? I think because I know Abba created me perfect, and everything about me He absolutely loves. I think when you come in contact with His vast love for you, it drowns out the opinions of man, and all that is left is His opinion, and in that you become quite satisfied with yourself.
I find myself, when overwhelmed by man's thoughts on me, turning towards Him, and thanking Him for making me...and listing things, I quite like about myself..
whether is my freckles, or blue eyes.
Call it vain if you may,
I call it focusing on the goodness of God, and the person He created me to be and thought up before the beginning of time.

All this to say, I am on this journey of becoming healthier...
not because I want to strive to meet man's expectations again,
but because I want to take care of this ONE body I have been given.
I really do believe that coming to the "right" reason for being healthier changes everything.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some crazy obsessed soda person (in fact, I hate soda..always have!)
And, neither am I frantickly running through McDonald's for a doss of my daily fried food.
I eat, mostly veggies and lean meat...
and of course have an obsession with coffee,
possibly my downfall, alas, no time soon shall that change..it just is pure bliss ;)

BUUUT, I want to take it a step farther..
recently I took out sugar (except for natural), bread, and milk from my diet.
(I am not advising you do that, do what you think is best for your body and what you're trying to achieve in the realm of health).
I also am working towards exercising a lot..
I have certainly been one in life to pencil in working out into my agenda,
but often I let life take over and end up killing my routine.

I thought if I wrote about it and kept myself accountable in some weird way through my blog, I may just do better this take at it.
So, here is to me taking one day at a time and taking care of this wonderful body I have been given to live in....
I hope you enjoy the journey with me, and if anything take into account the amazing person God created you to be, and all that is so beautiful about YOU, and that which makes up your person!

Peace. Love. Joy.

Greatness.

It's crazy to me how much we, as humanity walk around judging people's greatness by what we see on the outside....
who one knows...
what one is good at.. etc.

There's something inside of me that believes greatness lies on the inside,
and nothing one does can give or take that away.

What if the greatness within someone that has the ability to change the world as we know it is going unnoticed simply because we dwell on the little glimpses we get of one's "outside" life?

Why not live life in such a way you see the greatness within every person you come in contact with?

They may just have what you need..
they may just have a little part of what can change the world itself.

Something to ponder....

Peace. Love. Joy.

OUR plans.

Recently God has really been dealing with me personally, as well as showing me how much in humanity we create "our plan".

It's like we see where we are going, whatever area of society we want to influence, the church included, and we create this grand plan and strategy to make a "difference".

The other week I heard God start laughing,
He said, "brianna your plans, your strategies they really mean nothing."
Huh? I wondered, but then I heard Him say,
"it's really my presence, ME, that makes or breaks this thing."

I had this realization, that my strategy, my "plan", it really meant nothing,
unless it was simply a detail of the overwhelming goal of just being with Him.
Then from that place of being with Him, living life from Him.

I want to dig a well soooo deep with Him, that no matter where I go in life my History with Him is so vast that in an instance I can turn and He is there; His presence is there.
That's what I want.

At the end of the day no matter where I go, it's all going to come down to one thing..
my history with Abba.
That is what makes or breaks my life.
That is what dictates the influence I am going to have.
That is what determines my victory.
Him.

Peace. Love. Joy.