Let's just have fun.

I'm discovering what it really means to live like a child. Completely abandoned to living life alive.
It's interesting how free we are as kids, and once we grow up the pressures of life...what we should become, what is expected of us, paying for bills etc., it can totally overshadow life in general.

Lately, I've been waking up and saying, "this can not be my life." As much as I say it jokingly, I really have been pondering this very thing with Jesus. I am finding I hate repition (which is probably why I am a fashion major) I need adventure, excitement, new challenges. It's hard for me to wake up and go through the same 'ol routine every day--it drains me, and sucks the life right from me.

Alas, I find myself in a season where there is much repition involved. So the only thing I've been faced with doing, is figuring out how to make it exciting ;) I am around kids a lot, so I get to observe them. They are very matter of fact. Their imaginations run wild. They don't think about what tomorrow holds, they are all in the moment. It doesn't matter what is going on, they tend to choose fun above all.

Then, I started thinking about Marilyn Monroe, and how she was noted as being "fun". This very thing is why she is still so prominent in our culture years after her being gone.

I can choose to be stressed, overwhelmed, working tirelessly to try and figure out the "pefect" plan for my life. Or, I can have some fun, jump at every adventure, and discover all there is to find in this beautiful world....and, trust that the rest is all going to be sorted out by Abba.

So, here is to a new journey of implementing fun in every aspect of my life...to endless adventures, and trying some new and crazy things!

Gracias, Marilyn.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Real Rest.

I think one of my strengths is that of being able to be busy and have grace for it. I have an ability to be a workaholic, and not allow it to overwhelm me...or at least I thought. This probably stems from the fact I grew up in a home with parents who work their butts off, and take on way more than the average person would dream about doing. So, in a way I grew up knowing what it was like to have so much going on in your schedule.

Last year, I spent 9 months in a very life changing place. I learned a lot about my heart, about life, and a lot about rest. Life slowed down for me, and I had plenty of time to spend with friends, but also plenty of down time. I soon fell in love with my down times, of not having to do anything but read, write, and even catch up on the latest blockbusters. I would look forward to it, and I learned that this place of rest was what charged me for living life alive.

I came home, started a new season of life, and jumped right into a 45 hour work week (sometimes 60 depending on the week), on top of college. It was an extreme shock at first, not having the ability to unwind at all. The first couple weeks, I was a mess adjusting back to this pace of life. But, soon it got quite normal again, and I even questioned taking on more (I know! I am crazy!)

I began to get swept up in the "workaholic american dream". The ability to have no life, live off of dozens of cups a coffee a day, have no time for real, deep relationships, and make lots of money.

I came to a conclusion though, through many amazing friends, and a quite brilliant sister, that it really wasn't worth it. Yes, I have things I need to pay for (college--debt sucks, therefore I won't be participating in it!), but living life NOW is so much more important. Yes, I can work my life away--I am quite capable of it, I assure you. But, at the end of my life when I look back will it have been worth it? I think not. I would have no real friendships, no fun moments, and no pleasant thoughts of my restful times spent in solace.

I want to look back on my life one day and know I lived it to the ultimate fullest. I had so much fun, I worked hard, but I also rested much. That is what I want. So from now on, rest will be scheduled into my planner, for it is the "bliss" of life, and the thing that makes life, well, life.

At the end of the day, I want to live life alive. That is the bottom line.

Soooo, here is to embracing rest. AND, making sure I do.
Hooray for life.
Peace. Love. Joy.

Vulnerability.

Vulnerability.
The place of being transparent.
Holding nothing back.
Taking off the mask.
Letting people in.

Easy? Hardly.
Maybe the biggest battle of all.
The choice everyday to fake it,
or to be real.
Reveal yourself to the world around you.
Open up and let someone in...
they may hurt you,
but if you don't take the risk you'll just hurt yourself.

By locking yourself away, and guarding your heart,
it grows cold; lifeless.
Life stops pumping through.

Taking the chance.
Being vulnerable.
That's the battle we face everyday.

Choose life.
Choose vulnerability.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Ticking Clock.

Time flys by so fast...you're in one season and then all of a sudden you're in a next.
I think, at least for me, I take so much for granted in specific seasons, and then look back and miss it all so much. I don't know if that is just the way life is, or if I am incredibly bad at embracing the "moment" in the moment.

I think more than anything I am finding that things really aren't as they seem.
Your best friend you took for granted, ends up being the person you miss the most.
The person at your childhood camp who you thought was snobby, ends up being the biggest encourager of your destiny, right when you need it--out of the blue.
The employer who seemed complicated, actually ends up being your favorite. And, the one you thought was so nice and would be a breeze to work for, ends up being right out crazy.

Why is it that life is like this? How do we perceive things so wrong sometimes?
It's made me realize more than ever that we can make split second decisions that change the course of everything, and in the end our decision, based on a  perception ends up being wrong, and we are left with regrets.

I don't want to be rash. I want to love always, keep all doors wide open. Embrace every moment, and soak all the joy and love from every single moment. So, that when the next season rolls around, I don't regret, but I can embrace the winds of change, knowing my heart is full of love, and I truly have experienced joy and relationship to last me through the hard times.

To those of grace, who despite my rashness, still love.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Simple.

Isn't it funny how when you were a kid the simplest things would send excitement shooting through your soul?
The "certain" yogurt in the grocery store...
the sleepover weeks away...
the "party" your family was hosting...
the vacation to God knows where.

The littlest things made your day,
maybe even your year.
You were constantly excited about what was next,
the next hour, the next day, the next week.
Life had so much in store for you, and you were prepared to run right into every adventure.

When is it that all these things fade?
When do we need more to become excited?
When does the "simple" just not do anymore?

All of a sudden, we look back and life has gotten complicated.
Not because anything necessarily changed (I mean, you know, obvious things do),
but maybe because we, ourselves have complicated it.
With our habits, our "activities", our appetite for more.

I want those first day of school feelings again.
The excitement of recess, even if it was simply jump romping for an hour with friends.
I want the sleepover rush.
The "crush" conversations you have with your closest buddies.

I want the simple.
I don't want to NEED something big to impact me.
I want the simple to once again grasp my heart, to scream so loud, to impact me so profoundly...
The simple.
Yes, the simple.

Peace. Love. Joy.

An ode to 'love'.

What is love?
Is love something that "happens" to you, an expression which you feel all of a sudden,
or is it merely a choice?

In theory if it were this euphoric, out of nowhere happening,
then I guess I could see how it would simply vanish,
leaving one with an excuse,"I just don't love you anymore."

If it were, in theory of course, a choice,
then would one really have an excuse for stopping to love?
A valid excuse at least....
Their only excuse would be, "I simply chose to not love you anymore."

It's an interesting thing, love.
A fickle thing.
A tossed around thing.
A popular thing. (at least to those who have made up their own definition of it)

What is love exactly?
And, if we knew it in its entirety,
the good...and the ugly,
would we still throw it around as if it were some kind of soccer ball?
Or would we really treat it as a weighty thing, and guard it, as well as be intentional with it?

Oh, to experience this thing we call 'love' in it's vastness.....

Peace. Love. Joy.

Blinded.

Life is such a fickle thing, eh? Realizing this more than ever in this season.
Not knowing, but trying to figure it out.
Analyzing, but getting no answers.
This seems to be my life story right now.

Head. Heart. Head. Heart.
What's reliable?
It feels a little like chaos to me.

Where am I going? What is the journey going to look like?
Everything is in the dark.
I am blinded.

Trust. Ah, yes, trust.
That I am certainly learning.
It's all I have honestly.

It's nice to know I can put my hand in His,
and just trust.
Although, I think that's where most of the battle lies.
The simplicity of trusting.

Who knows? I certainly don't.
I'll choose to simply rest mine in His and wait.
One day, this time in life, it will all make sense.
At least, to some extent.

Until then, trust.
Yes, trust, it's all I've got.
Of one thing I am certain, Him.

Peace. Love. Joy.