Well, here it is, my birthday.
18, by the rule books, is special, so I've heard.
This "monumental" day has made me really ponder my life and ultimately my beautiful Jesus.
Dang, is He amazing! His grace, His mercy, His love, is truly new every morning.
To think that I get the privilege to praise Him through whatever comes in my life, is truly astonishing to me.
He is so truly beautiful.
I was thinking today, everyone has something that defines them.
I have met people that allow looks to define them,
some that allow academics to define them,
some that allow athletics to define them,
and any other thing you can think of.
We all do it, so the real underlying question is what will you let define you Brianna?
And not just cliche-ly saying what will define me,
but really living what defines me.
It got me thinking... I really only what Jesus to define me.
I would give it all up, everything & anything.
In the end it just doesn't matter to me.
On the most hard, most hopeless days of my life, I look back and see the steadfastness of my Jesus! When I had no hope, He was the hope. When I had no vision, He was the vision. I look back on the obstacles I have faced in my life, the decisions that have led me to where I am today, and I can only look up and smile because truly without Him I don't know where I would be today.
But, I do know I wouldn't be the same person.
I wouldn't have the hope, the vision, the life that He has given me.
To this next year of my life, my prayer is that I live my life truly alive. With all that I am, all that I do.
If I do anything in this life, I just want to touch the one.
The one with no hope, no vision.
I would be satisfied with just that one.
So, to 18 years of life...
it's been a journey,
a beautiful one!
=)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Deep.
Have you noticed how being "deep" seems to have become this big claim?
Everyone wants to be "deep".
In the world, in the church...
deep.
Hmmm..
so I got to thinking, "do we even know what deep is?"
And if we do... it wouldn't be so deep anymore, right?
I think that we can't even begin to fathom what "deepness" is.
I want Jesus to define it for me. I want to know His version of deep.
And, at the same time I never want to be satisfied with what "deep" is.
I want it to always amaze and astound me.
Random thought.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Everyone wants to be "deep".
In the world, in the church...
deep.
Hmmm..
so I got to thinking, "do we even know what deep is?"
And if we do... it wouldn't be so deep anymore, right?
I think that we can't even begin to fathom what "deepness" is.
I want Jesus to define it for me. I want to know His version of deep.
And, at the same time I never want to be satisfied with what "deep" is.
I want it to always amaze and astound me.
Random thought.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Jonathan Edwards.
This is something Jonathan Edwards wrote, it's totally something that God has been showing me for awhile now. I thought you would enjoy it in the words of a profound and great man. Enjoy!
Not long after I first began to experience these things, I gave an account to my father of some things that had passed in my mind. I was pretty much affected by the discourse we had together; and when the discourse was ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary place in my father's pasture, for contemplation. And as I was walking there, and looking up on the sky and clouds, there came into my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious majesty and grace of God, that I know not how to express. I seemed to see them both in a sweet conjunction; majesty and meekness joined together; it was a sweet and gentle, and holy majesty; and also a majestic meekness; and awful sweetness; a high and great, and holy gentleness.
After this my sense of divine things gradually increased, and became more and more lively and had more of that inward sweetness. The appearance of every thing was altered; there seemed to be as it were, a calm, sweet cast, or appearance of divine glory in almost every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom, his purity and love, seemed to appear in every thing; in the sun, and moon, and stars: in the clouds and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, trees; in the water and all nature; which used greatly to fix my mind. I often used to sit and view the moon for continuance; and in the day spent much time in viewing the clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of God in these things; in the mean time, singing forth, with a low voice, my contemplations of the Creator and Redeemer. And scarce any thing, among all the works of nature, was so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; formerly, nothing had been so terrible to me. Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with thunder, and to be struck with terror when I saw a thunderstorm rising; but now, on the contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to speak, at the first appearance of a thunderstorm; and used to take the opportunity at such times, to fix myself in order to view the clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder, which oftentimes was exceedingly entertaining, leading me to sweet contemplations of my great and glorious God. While thus engaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing, or chant forth my meditations; or, to speak my thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice.
My sense of divine things seemed gradually to increase, until I went to preach at New York, which was about a year and a half after they began; and while I was there, I felt them, very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I had done before. My longings after God and holiness were much increased. Pure and humble, holy and heavenly Christianity appeared exceedingly amiable to me. I felt a burning desire to be in every thing a complete Christian; and conformed to the blessed image of Christ; and that I might live, in all things according to the pure, sweet, and blessed rules of the gospel. I had an eager thirsting after progress in these things; which put me upon pursuing and pressing after them. It was my continual strife day and night, and constant inquiry, how I should be more holy, and live more holily, and more becoming a child of God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought an increase of grace and holiness, and a holy life, with much more earnestness than ever I sought grace before I had it. I used to be continually examining myself, and studying and contriving for likely ways and means, how I should live holily with far greater diligence and earnestness, than ever I pursued any thing in my life; but yet with too great a dependence on my own strength; which afterwards proved a great damage to me. My experience had not then taught me, as it has done since, my extreme feebleness and impotence, every manner of way; and the bottomless depths of secret corruption and deceit there was in my heart. However, I went on with my eager pursuit after more holiness, and conformity to Christ.
I have a much greater sense of my universal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and strength, and mere good pleasure, of late, than I used formerly to have; and have experienced more of an abhorrence of my own righteousness. The very thought of any joy arising in me, on any consideration of my own amiableness, performances, or experiences, or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly afflicted with a proud and selfrighteous spirit, much more sensibly than I used to be formerly. I see that serpent rising and putting forth its head continually, every where, all around me.
Though it seems to me, that, in some respects, I was a far better Christian, for two or three years after my first conversion, than I am now; and lived in a more constant delight and pleasure; yet, of late years, I have had a more full and constant sense of the absolute sovereignty of God, and a delight in that sovereignty; and have had more of a sense of the glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular, I had such a discovery of the excellency of the gospel above all other doctrines, that I could not but say to myself, "This is my chosen light, my chosen doctrine"; and of Christ. "This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared sweet, beyond all expression to follow Christ, and to be taught, and enlightened and instructed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. Another Saturday night (January, 1739) I had such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that which was right and meet to be done, and agreeable to the holy mind of God; that it caused me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping, which held me some time, so that I was forced to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I could not but, as it were, cry out. "How happy are they which do that which is right in the sight of God! They are blessed indeed, they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same time, a very affecting sense, how meet and suitable it was that God should govern the world, and order all things according to His own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God reigned, and that His will was done.
Not long after I first began to experience these things, I gave an account to my father of some things that had passed in my mind. I was pretty much affected by the discourse we had together; and when the discourse was ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary place in my father's pasture, for contemplation. And as I was walking there, and looking up on the sky and clouds, there came into my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious majesty and grace of God, that I know not how to express. I seemed to see them both in a sweet conjunction; majesty and meekness joined together; it was a sweet and gentle, and holy majesty; and also a majestic meekness; and awful sweetness; a high and great, and holy gentleness.
After this my sense of divine things gradually increased, and became more and more lively and had more of that inward sweetness. The appearance of every thing was altered; there seemed to be as it were, a calm, sweet cast, or appearance of divine glory in almost every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom, his purity and love, seemed to appear in every thing; in the sun, and moon, and stars: in the clouds and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, trees; in the water and all nature; which used greatly to fix my mind. I often used to sit and view the moon for continuance; and in the day spent much time in viewing the clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of God in these things; in the mean time, singing forth, with a low voice, my contemplations of the Creator and Redeemer. And scarce any thing, among all the works of nature, was so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; formerly, nothing had been so terrible to me. Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with thunder, and to be struck with terror when I saw a thunderstorm rising; but now, on the contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to speak, at the first appearance of a thunderstorm; and used to take the opportunity at such times, to fix myself in order to view the clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder, which oftentimes was exceedingly entertaining, leading me to sweet contemplations of my great and glorious God. While thus engaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing, or chant forth my meditations; or, to speak my thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice.
My sense of divine things seemed gradually to increase, until I went to preach at New York, which was about a year and a half after they began; and while I was there, I felt them, very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I had done before. My longings after God and holiness were much increased. Pure and humble, holy and heavenly Christianity appeared exceedingly amiable to me. I felt a burning desire to be in every thing a complete Christian; and conformed to the blessed image of Christ; and that I might live, in all things according to the pure, sweet, and blessed rules of the gospel. I had an eager thirsting after progress in these things; which put me upon pursuing and pressing after them. It was my continual strife day and night, and constant inquiry, how I should be more holy, and live more holily, and more becoming a child of God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought an increase of grace and holiness, and a holy life, with much more earnestness than ever I sought grace before I had it. I used to be continually examining myself, and studying and contriving for likely ways and means, how I should live holily with far greater diligence and earnestness, than ever I pursued any thing in my life; but yet with too great a dependence on my own strength; which afterwards proved a great damage to me. My experience had not then taught me, as it has done since, my extreme feebleness and impotence, every manner of way; and the bottomless depths of secret corruption and deceit there was in my heart. However, I went on with my eager pursuit after more holiness, and conformity to Christ.
I have a much greater sense of my universal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and strength, and mere good pleasure, of late, than I used formerly to have; and have experienced more of an abhorrence of my own righteousness. The very thought of any joy arising in me, on any consideration of my own amiableness, performances, or experiences, or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly afflicted with a proud and selfrighteous spirit, much more sensibly than I used to be formerly. I see that serpent rising and putting forth its head continually, every where, all around me.
Though it seems to me, that, in some respects, I was a far better Christian, for two or three years after my first conversion, than I am now; and lived in a more constant delight and pleasure; yet, of late years, I have had a more full and constant sense of the absolute sovereignty of God, and a delight in that sovereignty; and have had more of a sense of the glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular, I had such a discovery of the excellency of the gospel above all other doctrines, that I could not but say to myself, "This is my chosen light, my chosen doctrine"; and of Christ. "This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared sweet, beyond all expression to follow Christ, and to be taught, and enlightened and instructed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. Another Saturday night (January, 1739) I had such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that which was right and meet to be done, and agreeable to the holy mind of God; that it caused me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping, which held me some time, so that I was forced to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I could not but, as it were, cry out. "How happy are they which do that which is right in the sight of God! They are blessed indeed, they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same time, a very affecting sense, how meet and suitable it was that God should govern the world, and order all things according to His own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God reigned, and that His will was done.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Summer.
Summer.
Summer to me usually ends a season of life, and it usually ends with a particular theme.
In one word, I would sum up this summer as bittersweet.
Bitter, because it was probably one of the worst summer's of my life. & yes, I can honestly say that.
Sweet, because in the midst of some of the most hard and depressing days of my life my Jesus took me through a process. He slowed down life, showed me the simple things, the things about Himself.
I saw Jesus when all the nicey, nice stuff was gone. When all the self righteousness and pride we make Him to be is gone...just who He REALLY was.
Jesus became simple to me. HE showed me that christianity really isn't all the work we make it to be. It isn't about proving ourselves and our love for Jesus to others. We make it that though...we create this movement of show, and then label it "Jesus". But Jesus just dosen't care much about our "show", HE just wants us to love HIM, plain and simple. TO stop working at it. We make what HE calls plain and simple, so complicated when we create an atmosphere and christianity around us of self righteousness & pride.
Jesus became simple to me. When everything we build up and make HIM to be is stripped away and it is just HIM, and us. SIMPLE. SO BEAUTIFUL.
Now, as summer winds down and the next "season" begins, I pray it won't be as hard. But also, that the Jesus I came to know wouldn't leave my mind. That the simple things about HIM will forever stay etched on my heart. That I won't stray away from the simple.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Summer to me usually ends a season of life, and it usually ends with a particular theme.
In one word, I would sum up this summer as bittersweet.
Bitter, because it was probably one of the worst summer's of my life. & yes, I can honestly say that.
Sweet, because in the midst of some of the most hard and depressing days of my life my Jesus took me through a process. He slowed down life, showed me the simple things, the things about Himself.
I saw Jesus when all the nicey, nice stuff was gone. When all the self righteousness and pride we make Him to be is gone...just who He REALLY was.
Jesus became simple to me. HE showed me that christianity really isn't all the work we make it to be. It isn't about proving ourselves and our love for Jesus to others. We make it that though...we create this movement of show, and then label it "Jesus". But Jesus just dosen't care much about our "show", HE just wants us to love HIM, plain and simple. TO stop working at it. We make what HE calls plain and simple, so complicated when we create an atmosphere and christianity around us of self righteousness & pride.
Jesus became simple to me. When everything we build up and make HIM to be is stripped away and it is just HIM, and us. SIMPLE. SO BEAUTIFUL.
Now, as summer winds down and the next "season" begins, I pray it won't be as hard. But also, that the Jesus I came to know wouldn't leave my mind. That the simple things about HIM will forever stay etched on my heart. That I won't stray away from the simple.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Grasping Thin Air.
Grasping thin air, reaching for significance.
Fingers unable to touch the relevance of your victory.
This struggle with myself, this battle in my mind.
Dark places make your face difficult to find.
Wanting to be near you, but feeling the cold.
I cry out with my voice.
Trying to break the noise,
that separates my ability to hear your comfort.
I know you are there, you never leave my side.
And in these scary places, only in you can I confide.
Pour your sweet joy into me, for it is my only strength.
And the abundance you secure for me has no measures or length.
Transform my thoughts.
Heal my hearts longings.
Secure your word in me, and repel these wordly things.
I want to be yours, and have you as mine.
To have everything else in my life align.
You are beautiful,I desire only you.
Reveal these emotions behind this song as true.
You never fail me, you never forsake me.
Just let me touch your cloak today.
One touch and I know things don't have to continue this way.
Written by the amazing, Chelsea Steward.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Fingers unable to touch the relevance of your victory.
This struggle with myself, this battle in my mind.
Dark places make your face difficult to find.
Wanting to be near you, but feeling the cold.
I cry out with my voice.
Trying to break the noise,
that separates my ability to hear your comfort.
I know you are there, you never leave my side.
And in these scary places, only in you can I confide.
Pour your sweet joy into me, for it is my only strength.
And the abundance you secure for me has no measures or length.
Transform my thoughts.
Heal my hearts longings.
Secure your word in me, and repel these wordly things.
I want to be yours, and have you as mine.
To have everything else in my life align.
You are beautiful,I desire only you.
Reveal these emotions behind this song as true.
You never fail me, you never forsake me.
Just let me touch your cloak today.
One touch and I know things don't have to continue this way.
Written by the amazing, Chelsea Steward.
Peace. Love. Joy.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Going With The Flow.
Going With The Flow.
So, once upon a time..
I got a speeding ticket..
which led to me going to court,
which led to me freaking out,
which led me to think...
about me freaking out.
Which went deeper,
and deeper,
until I came to an illustration of life.
The whole point I was speeding,
well it was because I was going with the flow.
Our natural tendency, is to do just that..
go with the flow.
It takes a certain determination & will to not.
At least I think.
We can so easily just do whatever everyone else is doing,
because we feel pressure to do so.
We have to work at not going with the flow.
Of just knowing we have to do what we have to do,
despite what those around us are doing.
It takes work.
But, it's worth it in the end.
After all it might save you from freaking out about court again.
:p
Peace. Love. Joy!
So, once upon a time..
I got a speeding ticket..
which led to me going to court,
which led to me freaking out,
which led me to think...
about me freaking out.
Which went deeper,
and deeper,
until I came to an illustration of life.
The whole point I was speeding,
well it was because I was going with the flow.
Our natural tendency, is to do just that..
go with the flow.
It takes a certain determination & will to not.
At least I think.
We can so easily just do whatever everyone else is doing,
because we feel pressure to do so.
We have to work at not going with the flow.
Of just knowing we have to do what we have to do,
despite what those around us are doing.
It takes work.
But, it's worth it in the end.
After all it might save you from freaking out about court again.
:p
Peace. Love. Joy!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Why is it?
Why is it?
That we chase people...
that we allow them to define us.
And not just in the world,
in the church.
Why is is that we make celebrities out of preachers?
out of worship leaders?
out of ministries?
Why is is that we can say this worship is better than that worship..
or that ministry is better than this ministry?
We end up worshiping a particular worship leader...
a particular preacher...
a particular ministry.
When did it become about them,
and not God.
When did we decide we could say one ministry is better than another..
it's not even their ministry to begin with.
We go around, usually with good intentions...
and we can become so obsessed with people.
We end up looking just like the world.
Just in our own little box.
And, I think we miss out on another person's gifting or anointing..
because we keep our focus on one thing..
on one person...
one ministry.
Why is it that we do that?
Why can't we just simply be obsessed with
ONE..
the ultimate,
ONE,
Jesus?
Why can't HE define us?
After all, HE has got the best ministry around.
=)
Peace. Love. Joy.
That we chase people...
that we allow them to define us.
And not just in the world,
in the church.
Why is is that we make celebrities out of preachers?
out of worship leaders?
out of ministries?
Why is is that we can say this worship is better than that worship..
or that ministry is better than this ministry?
We end up worshiping a particular worship leader...
a particular preacher...
a particular ministry.
When did it become about them,
and not God.
When did we decide we could say one ministry is better than another..
it's not even their ministry to begin with.
We go around, usually with good intentions...
and we can become so obsessed with people.
We end up looking just like the world.
Just in our own little box.
And, I think we miss out on another person's gifting or anointing..
because we keep our focus on one thing..
on one person...
one ministry.
Why is it that we do that?
Why can't we just simply be obsessed with
ONE..
the ultimate,
ONE,
Jesus?
Why can't HE define us?
After all, HE has got the best ministry around.
=)
Peace. Love. Joy.
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