Solace.

I always find solace in writing. Somehow, it allows me the chance to take everything inside going on and get it out, or at least attempt to. It helps me to process life. Deal with pain. It gets me back to what I am really about.

I am very bad at admitting when I am not doing well. I hate saying things aren't good, because I just like to be optimistic and look on the bright side. Which is good...sometimes. Other times, I think it really is okay to just say things aren't okay. And, that life might just not be the most brilliant at the present moment. In no way does this discount my Abba's goodness--because, trust me He is so good. But, I think He meets us with His goodness in the good times, as well as the bad. I like to think He is right here with me, when it all is crashing down, not just when the sun is shining.

It's crazy how your heart can get caught up in something, and not even realize it until it's gone.
I've never been one to take things for granted--at least I didn't think I was.
Until, I did.
And, then I was left with no second chance--just a heart full of sorrow, regrets, and memories.

But, maybe if I wasn't worth enough to give a second chance, I am better for it now.
After all, who wants to be seen as a begger. Not me.
I'll take the pursuer.
Now, just to find that one.
Who even in the midst of chaos, and mistakes, will be forgiving and understanding.
Willing to trust again, even when they have no logical reason too.

"Everyone I've loved seems like a stranger in the night. But, oh my heart still burns tells me to return and search the faded light...so, tie me to the mast of this old ship and point me home. Before, I lose the one I love, before my chance is gone."

Those are some words from one of my favorite songs by Josh Garrels. I think it quite sums up my heart right now.

So, many different situations and circumstances I wish I could change.
It all hurts. That's okay, though.
I am going to let it hurt..
until, it no longer does.
I'll look back, and realize this was just a season of life, a moment of time,
and He really did carry me through.

I will see my dreams fulfilled.
That I believe.

Peace. Love. Joy.