I find myself in this place of, what I like to call, victory.
Yes, you heard me--I feel victorious.

Here I am, January 2011.
Freer than ever.
I have to admit, although I hung on to hope for a long time,
there were many times I doubted if I'd ever see it play out in my life.
I am here to tell you, I certainly have.

I find I am in this place, where the battles of my past, day by day are becoming so distant.

There is this rebuilding stage in life..
after usually, an all time low.
It's when all you have is hope.
It's this place of perseverance, even when it's so hard to see the light at the end.
Often times, I had to simply use my imagination and hope it would one day become a reality.

Then, out of no where you wake up and you feel alive..
not simply, out of imagination..
but literally your soul is bursting through your chest.
Every part of your being is alive.

You look back on your past battles, and you realize the fear, the anxiety..
the challenges you faced day to day; it seems so distant.
"Was that really me dealing with that?"
It feels almost like it was all a dream.

I am finding day by day, the things that kept me back from destiny seem so distant.
I will always rememeber my story though,
because in the story lies the promise.
In the promise lies my destiny.
I do think the "feelings" of my story diminish though,
because its not longer a reality in my life.

But, it is my story...
an important one too.
God is so faithful..
that He would being me to a place of victory in areas I once saw no hope for.
He is goooooood.
He is brilliant.
I am so thankful for His grace and mercy in my life.

I am thankful for the journey ahead,
and all I will accomplish and grow in day by day.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Me VS. Grace

Why Hello World.
It's been a couple weeks since I have posted.
And, sheeeesh God has been teaching me soo much.
I love that He is so patient, I can tell you that much :)

This whole idea of "rest" and living from a place of "rest" has been on my mind for quite sometime now. I feel like it's this big mystery I unravel day by day. I find new aspects of it continuously I feel. I suppose everything is a process, eh? ;)

The other day in church one of the leaders here at school got up and was sharing a word the Lord has given him. He began to speak about how we are God's work and how can work work? We are the clay and He is the potter. We simply need to yield to Him and allow Him to make us into the very thing He has desired since the beginning of time. All of this "work" we try to do to get His attention, or to be a better person...it's really worthless. He simply wants to mold us and make us. I don't know about you, but that completely freed me in such a new degree.
I took it and stuck it within my heart to ponder (I tend to do this a whole lot...ohh deep thinking).

A few days later in class, another leader got up during worship and began to share about "grace" and how He gives us the grace for the mountain(s) we are facing in our lives.
It really hit me strong (as I do have my mountains).
I realized a) I never think about His grace. Almost never. b) I had been trying in my own power (haha..what a joke) to defeat the areas (ermm mountains) in my life that I was aware of. It left me in such a humbling place.
Oh, how freeing to know God has got all the grace I need for my mountains.
I don't have to work to try to defeat it, I simply just abide in Him and allow His grace to wash over me.
Ahh! It makes my heart so happy just talking about it.
He is all I need. He has got me in the palm of His hands.
He is molding me into the exact person He created me to be.
How exciting.
And, all I have to do is say, "here I am".
Seriously, that is phenomenal to me.
He is so outrageous, my friends.

I hope this brings hope and freedom to your heart.
Rest in Him, and allow His grace to be enough for you.
Quit "working"...it's not part of your DNA. :)

"So too, at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace."
(Romans 11:5&6)

Peace. Love. Joy.

Norman Rockwell.

Over my Christmas Break I got to go see a collection of Norman Rockwell's paintings that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had collected.

1) It was in D.C. probably my favorite city in the world.. :)
2) I was pleasantly surprised by what the paintings would do to my heart.

When I was around 10ish my family actually went to Rockwell's home in MA and saw some paintings, but of course at 10 my interest level was pretty much zero.
I remember walking in and knowing I was about to view something really dynamic because I overheard all the grown ups talking about the significance of the art...but, still at 10 I didn't have much appreciation for what I saw.
I was most likely thinking about going to kick my soccer ball (because, soccer was my "world" then haha).

My oldest Sister told me there was this exhibit in D.C. and so we went.
I can't say I was anticipating much, I was much more excited about being back in the city I love after being away from home in California.
I was in desperate need of some east coast sophistication if you know what I mean. ;)

We stood in line waiting to get in for quite a bit (much of that time was spent people watching might I add), but once we got in, I read the first little plague about exactly who this "Rocwell" was, in summary of course.
And, it hit me...he was pretty talented, and pretty important to the history of my beautiful country.

As I browsed through the paintings on the walls of this crowded exhibit,
I realized something, Rockwell was much more than simply an artist who drew a painting.
He told a story with his art.
He insprired hope with his art.

He was able to take a simple canvas and transform it into this live picture motion for all to see, and all to interpret. How profound? How gifted?

As we walked into the little cube of a room to watch a 12 minute clip of Spielburg & Lucas discussing the paintings and why they collected the ones they did,
something Spielberg said caught my attention.
He said this,and of course I am paraphrasing, "Rockwell could have been a filmmaker, probably a very good filmmaker. But, he painted and I am so happy he did because now he inspires the filmmakers to make better films."

What an impact this one gifted man had on the world around him..
not just during his era, but even today effecting the very "art" we see.

I think the thing the most impacted me was the fact, this man, Norman,
had a gift.
But, he saw beyond it.
He could have just painted to paint.
But he painted to tell stories.
He painted to inspire the people around him.
He painted to spark hope in a time that America, let's be honest, was pretty much out of it.
He painted to make a difference and to transform the way the people saw the world.
He made an impact with his gift.

I love that.
I want to do that.
I don't want to do things to simply do them.
I want to inspire.
I want to tell stories.
I want to transform the world.

Here are a few of my favorite paintings:

They say its 2011.....

2010.

Whew. This past year flew by insanely fast.
It was a good year I must admit.
One that went from the darkest hour of my life to the most amazing, hopeful hour of my life.

One year ago, today, the first of 2010, I was in Ireland.
It was such an amazing experience, and I love that country hands down.
In the midst of a lot of pain, and hopelessness being realized,
a love for that country was birthed inside my soul as well.
A love I cannot dismiss.
I plan to get back there next chance and see my dreams for that country come to life.

I came back from that trip realizing something very important:
I was not okay.
I needed Jesus' love to come heal a lot in my heart.
And, so 2010 started out on a journey of the heart.

It was really hard in the beginning;
processing through things that had built up on the walls of my heart since birth.

But, the last 5 months or so I've seen freedom like never before.
I've watched God come simply with His amazing love and heal my heart and in turn transform my life.
Life's always a process, and I think there is always more to grow,
bigger places to dream with Him...
so I certainly haven't arrived, but I have become a different person,
or maybe it's safe to say the "me" that was always there, just buried under lots of pain, has come out.

Abba is soo good to me.
I am beyond excited to see where He takes me in this year.
The adventures with Him are endless.
How exciting :)

So here is to the wonderful year of 2011,
a year that has been in the heart of my Abba for awhile.
Here is to the awesome things He has set up for me in this next year to stumble upon.

And, for the fun of it..
Here's to hopefully going to Israel, Greece, and Ireland.
To owning a Chanel Purse.
To learning to dance.
And, to flying first class forever and always.

(My selfish 2011 plans hahah :)
And, for some odd reason I just think He cares enough ;)

I'll leave you with a passage from one of my favorite books in the Bible, Isaiah. Enjoy :) This one is going to mark 2011 for me....

"Listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations;
Before I was born the Lord called me;
from my birth He has made mention of my name.
He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of His hand He hid me;
He made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in His quiver.
He said to me, "You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendor."
(Isaiah 49:1-3)

Promises.

[All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomes them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.] Hebrews 11:13 &14

This passage comes in Hebrews after Moses, Enoch, and Abraham are talked about, thus "these people" is referring to them.

There is something so profound about holding onto a promise.
This passage so stuck out to me.
Each one of these incredible heroes of the faith saw promises, even though they were far off and yet welcomed them.
There is something so beautiful about that.

"People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own."

Each of these individuals "saw" great promises from a distance and welcomed them.
They welcomed promises that they did not even get to live to see..
why? because, they knew it was so much bigger then them.
And, so it was worth fighting for the fulfillment of the promises even if they didn't get to see the fulfillment with their own eyes.

I don't know about you, but that is some crazy character to me.
I want to live my life in such a way....
that, I see the promises of the future,
and I fight for them to come to pass,
even though I may not see the fulfillment.

Because, friends, IT IS bigger than me.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Home.

Home.
It's this complex place in my heart.

It's funny how when you leave home, and come back you realize the beauty of it you never saw before.
The little things about your hometown you took for granted.

For instance, I never realized how much I loved downtown Frederick, until I left home and then came back to it. And, now, it may be one of my favorite places in this world.

Then, comes the "family" aspect of home.
The beautiful intricacy of family.

It's this raw, real place.
At least for me.
I don't wear any mask...not saying I do everywhere else,
I certainly try to be "raw" and real everywhere.
But, I think there is this certain "me" that can only come out at home.
Maybe it's because you're around people who know your story, and know you better then most?
I am not sure.
All, I know is I have come to find out that the aspect of "family" that makes home, home, is truly wonderful in a hard way.

I find it's when I am "home" that I realize more than ever how much I have grown, as well as how much I need to grow.
There is something so special about being home, that allows these two opposites to come out in flying colors.
It's this wonderful tension.

Well, that may have made no sense at all.
But, it's what was on my heart :) haha.

Peace. Love. Joy.

Narnia.

I love the Narnia films, in fact, I think C.S. Lewis was one of the most brilliant men ever to walk this planet simply because he wrote some epic stuff.

I just saw the newest one out on the big screen; Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and of course my life was changed haha :)

I think C.S. Lewis did an amazing job of Aslan representing the whole trinity, which is such truth...the trinity is the 3 in 1. I love how throughout the movies Aslan represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.....so brilliant :)

Aslan has always been my ultimate favorite depiction of who God is out of every other thing my imagination can muster to represent my beautiful Jesus...Aslan is the one that always wins, if Lewis only knew! ;)

Here are some quotes from the movie that really stuck out to me:

"To defeat the darkness out there you must first defeat the darkness inside yourself."

"You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are." (Aslan to Lucy)

"Extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people." (the mouse)

"A noble warrior does not run from fear....c'mon let's meet our destiny."

"Do not let them know your fears or it will become them."

"I can't imagine my Father being very proud of me giving up on what He died for." (Prince Caspian)

"My country was made for noble hearts." (Aslan)

Welp, there ya go! I hope they meant something to you :)

Peace. Love. Joy.